pushing myself a little bit further.

hey blog…

let’s cut to the chase now.

i’m really really really not feeling well. both physically and emotionally. my body is aching. my stomach is aching. my head is aching. and i think everyone is in a very bad mood which ruins me even more emotionally.

had one hell of a nightmare yesterday night. or morning. >< it was 3 am in the morning and i dreamed that my friend Nina died, and it’s all my fault. i’m seriously not exaggerating this, but i had tears in my eyes when i woke up and i felt so so guilty. it felt real, and i was really really scared. so i prayed and suddenly remembered that there’s a scene in my writing where the character is responsible for the death of his loved one. and so i wrote. i turned my fears into inspiration and i felt so happy to be able to do so. after drinking a cup of very strong sweet black tea, i’m finally able to go back to bed.

tbh blog… a reason why i couldn’t reach my goals so easily is because i’m human. and being human as i am, i’m constantly exhausted. my exhaustion gets in the way of my ambition and i really hate it. so here i am, feeling sick, and still determined to write and finish my story. because i’ve been using my exhaustion as a reason to skip writing all the time that it’s making me so damn frustrated.

so i shall fight. the only plus side: i may be losing weight 😉 lol.

oh, and i forget to mention. i just came back from Karawaci. the place that i have been staying for the last 2 days, but tomorrow, early in the morning, i would already be departing from home (again) to go to Bandung for another vacational trip. i know… i know… i’m already complaining to you that i’m tired, but it’s my dad that i’m worried about. i just hope that tomorrow the traffic wouldn’t be that bad, because no matter how tired i am, he will always be more exhausted than me.

i’m praying for the best in everything. *sigh*

and i might not be able to blog again for another 4 days… *sighs again* but you can bear with it, right blog? in the mean time, i’ll be writing my brains off and finish this book that i have had in my dream factory for quite a while.