i could still be, what i want to be, what i said i was when you met me.

just a short post on a Friday night.

it’s a day after American thanksgiving, and i am way beyond stressed. after not going home for two days, and constantly being in the library, i have developed a fatigue like i have never encountered before. i admire people who have the motivation and the strength to pull through these exhaustion.

i guess i was just too tired, and too scared, and too nervous that things will not go my way.

i think i’m just too greedy, wanting everything all at once while simultaneously not getting them.

i know i’m not alone, and that there are other people also feeling what i’m feeling right now, but at the very least i hope my future children will not go through what i’m going through. i hope they do not have that big of an ambition, just enough to sustain them through life and do what makes them happy, i hope they will never have to suffer from the panic attacks that i can feel are coming at me in waves at this very moment.

it’s a horrible feeling.

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