until now.

it was the day before halloween when Vivienne had to let James go.

and she guessed it was probably because the distance was too wide, both spatially and temporally; maybe it was just a gap too wide to bridge, and they both can’t do anything about it.

like a guardian angel, Kim, her best friend who hasn’t been in touch with her for so long, texted her out of the blue and they talked- embracing each other through social media. Vivienne was really glad she didn’t have to feel alone during that time. to be honest, she did feel like shit, and all she wanted to do was take the hottest shower ever known to mankind and wash away all the sadness and gunk in her eyes. Vivienne knew she wouldn’t be out of that unscathed, and she was right. her heart was broken, and it was time to go down the trip back to the store to get that super glue she hasn’t purchased for a long time now.

Kim told her that at least Vivienne had the memories, and that she could look back to it and thought it was good that it happened. Viv thought the same way too, even though she knew the longer she tries to recall a memory, the closer it gets to being a lie.

they went to the niagara falls once on an impromptu trip to Toronto, and watched an indie band there while waiting for the fireworks to appear, drinking Tim Horton’s hot chocolate because it was freezing cold and they were wearing shorts. Viv was scared that if she tried to remember that moment, she might thought it was black coffee that they drank. and then if she tried to remember again, she’d forget how cold it was. and then if she tried to remember again, she’d forget that the 10 minute firework ever happened. and then if she tried to remember again, she’d forget that they even went to the falls in the first place. because that is the very nature of memories… some people may argue that it lasts forever, and it may last forever. it’s just that there will be things you messed up every time you try to recall that memory. and Viv knows that. it’s just a truth people can’t deny that memories get fabricated the harder they strive to not let it go.

so maybe Viv is just going to let herself cry that night. it was lovely while it lasted after all.



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