what happened yesterday

he confessed to me yesterday.

it’s one of those things that you can’t really get used to… confessions.

i said no, because i didn’t think it’s fair for me to like him when i am still struggling to erase whatever feelings i have for the other guy, let’s refer to him as Winston.

his respond was funny now that i think of it, because he asked why and i told him my reason, and he said he didn’t mind if i still have feelings for Winston, as long as i have feelings for him too, but to be honest, i don’t know how i feel about him. for now, i’m sure he’s just a really really good friend. but despite of ‘no’, i hope i denied him gracefully. i know how ugly and disgusting rejections can make you feel, but hopefully the way i said ‘no’ yesterday didn’t undermine him in any way. it’s probably very selfish of me but i wish we can still remain as friends, because hanging out with him so far had been comfortable after all, and like i said, he is just a very good friend.

in another way, i appreciate that he gathered up the courage to let me know that he likes me. it makes me feel like a girl, different than how wearing a skirt, or putting on make up makes me feel– and i haven’t had that feeling for such a long time now. regardless of how it turns out, i’m thankful. it’s always nice to feel loved (:

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