if it’s not the love you want, it doesn’t matter.

i think i have been talking in my head for quite some time now…. so much as to forget to actually blog about it sometimes. to write how i feel and actually put them into words instead of trying to arrange and re-arrange them inside my head. but sometimes you get comfortable and stingy, and you end up feeling like you don’t want to share anything anymore. though i do have something to share today (: mind you i haven’t written for a long time so my writing skills may be rusty.

the million dollar question: would you rather be with someone who loves you, or would you rather be with someone who you love?

of course, it would be better if both people love each other, in which case this question will not even be worth 50 cents. then, i guess the world will be so much less complicated, but of course we can only dream.

the truth is. i have been so wasteful of my feelings. i have a lot of them… feelings that is. i may not like someone easily, but for one reason or another i always end up liking someone i don’t like. i choose to not blame fate and be pathetic because i know liking them was my own decision even though it didn’t feel like i had a choice, but i liked them anyway. and even after all of that, i still think that liking someone is a happy thing.

probably this is because i am still nineteen, and still too young and foolish to understand, or be realistic, or anything else that the world demands of me as i grow older…. but i still think that holding hands with someone that you don’t like, is just holding hands. it’s not a big deal. don’t you think so? and maybe this is why unrequited love exist. because there are people who can accept living the rest of their lives feeling just absolutely ordinary, and there are people who couldn’t. like a drugie, we want our hearts to flutter every time we see the person that we like, and maybe not even want it but because we couldn’t help it.

i’m blabbing now. i should stop. i’m happy to find some sort of revelation in what i did because that night, someone was a coward, someone was honest, and someone had her heart flutter. never try to hide your feelings away because they are not meant to be dusted off under the rug. and sometimes even, they shouldn’t. you’ll end up hurting everyone, because one day you’ll find that you cannot stop yourself. and still, you’ll find that you’re happy that you can’t.

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