it’s so funny how this summer turns out to be the way it is now…. it goes without saying that i’m sorry i started writing again with a rant post, but i sorely needed it. maybe many more will come, but hopefully not too much (: it’s as if going back to Indonesia was like going to rehab. to be near my family and my childhood friends, i realized that i did change, just like how i expected i would.
of course not everything is a bad change, some of them are good, some are obviously bad, but i’m reflecting and i’m telling myself that that is good enough.
with all the talks about dreams, and about dreaming big, i can’t help but recall that the first time i talked about my dream was on a TV broadcast when the reporter asked a 3 year old me what i would like to be when i grow up and i told them i’d like to be a maternity doctor. of course that was one of the many dreams i had as a kid. the other ones were more embarrassing, like being a cashier and a janitor. i love the cling sound of the cashier machine and the way janitors wipe windows so i thought why not… but of course, that was years ago.
regardless of the dream that i have now, the dream that i have yet realized, i remember asking my mom what she wanted me to be when i grow up. her answer was simple. she told me she wanted me to be a good person.
and i thought mom couldn’t have thought about anything else because what parent would not want their kids to grow up as good people? but now as i am growing up and ignorance wanes, i realize how powerful her wish was. i realize that if good and bad is white and black, then everyone will be shades of grey (not that book again ;___;) everyone will have a good side to them and a bad side to them, and that they all will have a choice.
so maybe in the face of having to choose, my mom hoped that her daughter would always choose to be good. or at least try. and more than ever now i’m grateful for what she said. because now more than anything else i want to be a good person, not only for her, but also for me. and i believe that everything else will just follow it’s course.