H-4 before phonetics finals and i’m kind of scared, kind of nervous, but also kind of excited to get my ass kicked.
i think i finally realized why i wasn’t doing much this year… why i am in a constant disappointment with myself, and not writing or updating my blog because honestly i felt like crap and i didn’t feel like showing any side of that crap.
i was not ambitious this past year. i had no ambition. i didn’t realize when but i think i subconsciously had enough of the competition and it was as if my body did shut down because all i wanted to do was watch korean reality shows in the internet. the thing about being ambitious is that it makes you feel stupid. because there’s so much more that you want to accomplish and so little time, and so many people smarter than you, and having an easier time than you do, and all you can do is just stare at those people and the time that passed away with a mean eye. but then i realize that you feel even more stupid when you don’t try your hardest, even worse, it makes you feel like a fool.
i guess i’ve decided that i’ve had enough of being just another layperson and i’m going to fight for what i want to just like the old days (that makes me sound so very old when i’m only turning nineteen this year -_-) my grades have been decent, but of course, i have never settled for decent in my entire life and i guess that was what landed me in McGill. i should not just settle for decent.
and furthermore…. linguistics is my baby. i’d do anything for it. i spent 2 days of my life in the plane for freakin’ linguistics and i’d be damned if i’m not taking this seriously. if it’s too late now, i swear i’ll try harder next year.
also i love you people who are still reading my blog even when i haven’t been updating much. ):
and if you think i’m not being serious, that is a waveform of my voice. i was saying i love you. i meant it.