therapeutical writing. spewing out words while listening to rock songs on repeat: coming to the realization that i am in actuality a very violent and selfish person.

Screen Shot 2013-02-25 at 11.05.47 PM

i’m not going to think; i fell in love with you and i’m not going to think about it because you think with your brain and love is the heart’s confession. it has nothing to do with the brain. because when i fall in love, i can’t see whether the light is green or red; i can’t see if that person is my best friend’s girl; i can’t see where i’m going. all i hear is my heartbeat and it’s game over. i have no other options to take and no other decisions to make; just like that i’m running towards you, i’ll trip over a cat and get bitten by a dog and fall and bleed and get punched by my mother and starve and get stuck inside an elevator and get electrocuted and get hit by a truck but i’ll still go towards you because i can’t do anything else. like chasing after a dream and after all that, when i finally reach you, i’m going to fearlessly hold you and i’ll take you out on our first date in a noodle shop because i’m hungry from all that running and dying from trying to develop nine lives just to reach you; or was it a stolen nine lives because that cat that i tripped over never wakes up ever again. so come to me and hold me back, because i’m vulnerable but i’m still running towards you; “i’m going to make you love me” i told the world. a certain grandma told me on the streets that i’m out of my mind but for the life of me, i’m going to make you love me back. i’ll buy you lollipop rings and jump and cry and sing for you. i’m going to write you letters until my fingers blister and my hand shaking. they’re going to be written in cursive because that is how you like it and even though it is illegible and you can’t make any sense out of it, i’ll write it still and i’ll make sure you’re going to read it, word by word, letter by letter because at least that way you’re going to know that my head has been turned upside down and backwards. my dear, i’m going to take you to places you’ve never been before and i’m going to serenade you from sunset to sunrise and as payback you’re going to hold me when i intertwine my fingers with yours and kiss you because i’ll be vulnerable then and you’re going to close your eyes and understand just how much i’m willing to let go just to get you in exchange of everything and we would expose our jaw bones and our clavicles and the only sound that could be heard at that moment will be our teeth clashing with one another, but we both would not care; because at that moment we will die–we will die because it is then that we are the happiest and it is then that we can’t see if a gun is pointed at us, nor would we care if we both got pierced by a bullet that goes from my heart to your heart; you are beautiful and at that moment when i first saw you, my heart dropped. and when i decided to jaywalk into your life, no one can hold me back.

***

i’ve been doing a lot of these types of writings recently.

sitting behind my desk, my pen and notebook in front me and just write. without care and sometimes even without sense.

i’d plug my ears with my earphones and crank the volume up on my phone while listening to my current favorite rock song on repeat and i find that not giving myself time to even think what i want to write makes me a very honest writer. after five minutes straight of writing anything that pops into my head i feel a really strong sense of freedom. it is surprising how the truth speaks so much to me when i do not have to worry about grammar, or spelling mistakes, or punctuation mistakes or bad handwriting. it is amazing.

i just thought i’d share this with you. since it is baby blog’s third year anniversary, i thought i’d write about something personal. even though i haven’t been writing a lot, i’m pushing myself towards a new direction that i have been too scared to explore before. when i finally find out what’s going on out there, i’m going to vomit posts (and even write the uber belated christmas post)

happy birthday blog. and thank you wonderful readers for still taking the time to drop by. i love you too (:

signature

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “therapeutical writing. spewing out words while listening to rock songs on repeat: coming to the realization that i am in actuality a very violent and selfish person.

  1. Hey vic,
    This is so nicely written! I find myself smiling so much when I read it. I really love your writing like ohmygosh. They’re so good. So good. Keep writing vic. I even read this to kevin. This piece of writing is amazing. Every piece of your writing is amazing. I wish I could write like you, haha.

    Good luck in Canada dear 🙂 you’re doing great and not so far from your dream from being a writer.

    1. hi shell (: i’m glad that you enjoyed it. in return, your comment makes me smile. thank you so much for those kind words…. i’ll try harder to write better ^^~

      you too… take care in Taiwan… give my greetings to kev (:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s