to judge.

the pictures from the ski trip has not been upload yet :/ so naturally, i’d ‘try’ to blog about it after they’re up. hopefully soon, because midterms are coming up and the weather is fluctuating like crazy and i feel like it’ll be easier for me to lose my willpower this way. what a legit reason. i should seriously stop making up reasons.

now that the explanation is done and over with, i have a loud and bold statement to make.

i will, from now on, start judging.

i will judge.

i will respect people’s rights for having an opinion but now i know that i’m not obligated to actually respect someone else’s opinions on things; if i actually do have something that i believe in, i’m going to stand for it. i’m going to put my identity, my reputation, and my understanding of things on the line for that belief.

i had only made that decision ten minutes ago, but to be completely honest, this is one of the questions that has been bugging me ever since high school. and it’s always there, in the back of my head. i’m not always thinking about it perse, but if someone was to ask me about it, i’ll be like: “man i don’t know.” –and today i finally understood. i finally got an answer. i was never able to formulate the answer on my own and maybe mother nature was like: “girl you’re taking too long” … so by chance i sat on this conference today and the keynote speaker was someone by the name of Drew Dudley, of which, now that i’m at it, is such a lovely person. he is brilliant, and i don’t even know how grateful i am to be listening to a talk that actually makes sense. it has been a while.

anyways. it was a leadership workshop, but it wasn’t like one of those that left you feel confined and unjustified in the end; at this moment i’m actually surprised how a leadership workshop left me feel more knowledgable. no other leadership workshop has ever done that to me and believe me, i’ve attended a lot of them workshops and i know how it’s like. of course, like everything, i don’t completely agree with everything that he talks about… some things i totally agree with, some things i may have to think through again in my head or just blatantly disagree with it, but at one point, he was talking about his friend and i suddenly realized i finally found an answer. i finally found it.

he was talking how his friend is a teacher, and how at the beginning of every semester, she would tell her students to judge. that in her classroom people will stand their grounds on something that they believe in. but it has always been a social conformity to respect other people’s opinions. it’s as if it’s a legit better thing to not have an opinion of your own but to respect other people’s because that’s what should be done. that was what has been bugging me all along. to say it harshly, if your opinion is stupid should i just agree with you out of baseless politeness or should i say what i think and have everyone stare at me like what i did was kill someone when in reality i was only disagreeing.

at least in my perspective, it’s sad to see that more and more people are now making ‘respect’ as an excuse for cowardice. ‘i respect your opinion’ might as well be ‘i have an opinion of my own but i’m too scared to say it because i might get defeated in my debate’ or ‘i don’t want to say my opinion because i’m not up for doing an extensive explanation of what i believe in’.

it may be seen like such a backward step for most people but i will judge from now on because this is what i believe to be the right thing. i should not be obligated to respect other people’s opinion, but i will ultimately their right to have opinions, just as long as i think they’re having those opinions to better the world, even though their opinions might not agree with my beliefs.

another thing that i think may have inhibited me from judging is the fact that i’m scared of changes. ultimately, if you judge someone, that means you’re going to have other people judge you, and the point of all the judgments in this world is to prove that someone else is wrong. and if you’re wrong, then the right thing to do is to change your ways and make it ‘right’. anyone of you who have read my blog for a long time will know very well that i’m scared of changes, and that is probably because i am scared of failure. to change something is to admit that you have failed, and that scares the hell out of me. but i’m going to try and embrace it now. i’m going to do my best to stay my grounds on what i believe in and if i’m wrong, i will be open to changes. of course there will be time when i just feel like i’m not doing any of this, but as long as i’m strong enough, i’m going to challenge myself everyday and try to prove myself wrong everyday.

and that’s the end of my very very very long ramble.

i hope you missed me enough to read all of this. or if not, i’m sorry to have wasted the precious precious time that you have spent reading this. you will never get your precious time back, but if it makes you feel any better… i love you, and i appreciate the time that you took to read this long ass post.  

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