“we’re afraid to smile first because we’re scared they won’t smile back. we’re afraid to love first because we’re scared they won’t love us in return.”

do you know that one of the loveliest thing to do is to smell cookies outside in the cold autumn air? the mixture of the scent of warmth and coldness combined is very intoxicating. so every time after mass, i always bring a cookie outside (they always serve teas and cookies after yay!) and like put it in my palms and just sniff it while walking back to my dorm or to the library. i must have looked insane burying my head in my palms, trying to drug myself with the smell of a cookie, but you guys all know there’s an implicit loveliness in insanity as well, so i guess it’s playing double duty.

anyways, talking about mass, and talking about loveliness, father Gregory talked about love in today’s homily. and i always sound so silly and so redundant when i blog about this (again) but i do believe in love being one of the strongest things in this world. i’m still not sure if i believe in love at first sight, but i do believe in love and that it’s lovely to be in love and that the pain is also quite lovely when you’re falling out of love. and the funny thing is that father was talking about how humans are scared of loving first and of smiling first because we are, in general, afraid of rejections…. and that was my conception of this whole thing all along.

it’s sad because i think we shouldn’t be scared to do all of those things. even though we are. because i believe that everyone deserves to have somebody they love that they can share their journey with, and whether or not that relationship is romantic, it would not happen if no one takes the first step.

so i’m scared now… of the consequences, of the risks, of everything that can potentially hurt me but i’m slowly learning to walk through life with my palms open. because even though some days i will only end up with the bruises and the blisters that i might not even anticipate, other times i will come home with happiness and loveliness and lots of them too, which will make everything worth it.

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