“and if you’re in love, then you are the lucky one, cause most of us are bitter over someone. setting fire to our insides for fun, collecting names of the lovers that went wrong, the lovers that went wrong.”

yesterday, after submitting my philosophy paper and my linguistics assignment that i have been stressing for the whole week (and most of the weekend), i feel so pooped. because i was worried about it, but then i didn’t do anything about it and i know that’s pointless so don’t tell me that it’s pointless to be feeling that way because i know :/

anyways~ so i didn’t study. even though i met Sarah on the emergency stairwell and she was studying on the third floor study room because it’s Monday (i love how she is so studious <3) i kinda feel bad for not studying. but whatever. right? …. right.

and instead of studying, i ventured to what the online community call the Narnia part of youtube. that is literally the first time i’ve ever heard of the term, but then it’s sort of true. at first i was just looking at random music videos of the bands that i usually listen to, like The Script and Black Stone Cherry… a little Bon Iver as well but not that much because i wasn’t feeling like it yesterday. and then i started clicking on the video suggestions at the panel situated on the right of the screen and i find that i’m always redirected to a music video of a song that i haven’t heard of before but i really like. it’s the kinds of songs that i could imagine listening to on a rainy day inside a quaint little cafe while drinking green tea. or an Americano if i needed something stronger.

it was an… exhilarating experience. it may seem stupid but those little things are what sustains me when i feel that everything is just so shitty. those little moments, and how i feel in that moment. i ended up downloading a zillion new songs and slept at two last night. i know it’s bad, i know it’s unproductive, i know it’s not what a college student is supposed to do at freakin’ two in the morning on a Tuesday but i didn’t regret one bit of it.

it was a journey… even though it was only on youtube. i may sound so insane right now for writing a post specifically on listening to songs on youtube and downloading them, but it was something entirely different. i guess i’m not doing it justice in how i’m describing it, but do try it when you actually have time to spare (i don’t recommend you to do it my way, but if you feel like extreme procrastinating, this is the way to go. i’ll guarantee you, you’ll get no work done whatsoever)

when you soak up the different sounds of the instruments and the different sounds of the morphemes in the lyrics of the songs, it gives you this hope that there is so much more to just this in life. that there’re still so many things to see, so many places to go, so many opinions to listen to, and so many emotions to feel that it kind of gets overwhelming. but it’s amazing how in all of its simplicity, you sort of get to rediscover yourself as a person, and i guess that was what i was looking for.

and i’m so happy i found it (:


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