silver lining

hey blog, it has been a long time since i last wrote you, but do bear with me. and what i’m actually going to write right now is a semi-rant, so do bear with me again.

do you know the saying: “every cloud has its own silver lining” ? i’m assuming that you have, and i’m assuming that you know what it meant. everything has its own vantage point that will allow you to see things in the clearest way possible. and in the almost 3 months that i have been here squeamishly going through my wretched lovely university life (that is not a sarcasm. i’ve formed a love-hate relationship with it), i have decided to confidently state that the saying applies to all of the courses that i’m taking.

i just got back from Philosophy… i know you guys think i hate philosophy but i don’t. i actually quite like the class (contrary to the fact that a lot of people have been saying that the prof’s going on so slow on the course) i actually liked it. i told you, didn’t i? because everything else was going so fast, i actually appreciate her attempts to go deeper into concepts and perceptions of moral philosophy. it’s the conferences that i have a bad sentiment towards.

anyways~ i just got back from philosophy class, and was so frustrated at myself for not being able to pull out that courage to actually speak out and say what i think (or if i know the answer to a particular question). the thing about my moral philosophy class is that i actually know most of these things beforehand. even before coming to university, i’m prone to engage in dark and deep thinkings prior to taking naps or sleeping at night so i actually know most of the things that she’s elaborating in the lecture–it’s just that with philosophy, they’re explaining those simple very human characteristics and values with very posh, very hard to understand language that is anachronistic (chronologically misplaced). see what i mean? it would be much easier for you and me to understand the true context when it’s stripped out of its embellishments.

why insist on making it harder? just because that it’s philosophy and if it’s not hard it would disappoint the hearts of all the charlatans (the people who pretend they know something when they don’t) out there who don’t want to miss their chance on being pretentious? or does it actually degrade philosophy in the sense that without the big words it wouldn’t contain as much depth as it would if it’s described in an obscure way?

so i guess i was just not having the virtue of character (referring to Aristotle here) of being able to let reason guide my fears towards the doctrine of the mean and transform my fears into courage. maybe i can’t speak because i’m scared to say something ridiculously shitty and make a fool out of myself in philosophy class ( you DO NOT want to make a fool out of yourself in philosophy class) and realize i didn’t exactly know what i’m talking about, or that if i am to speak, i will not be able to generate that high of an English language to explain what i think is the case (–> philosophy term here: matter of fact) instead of saying moral judgment is just “my own / an individual’s own personal opinion of what is right and wrong”, they insist on dressing it with “to feel a sentiment of (dis)approbation toward a particular act, quality, or trait” 

i have nothing against philosophy major students. nothing, trust me on this. even though this might sound a hell of a lot like i’m a hypocrite, i have nothing against you guys. i have nothing about the class, and i really have nothing against 18th century English (i quite adore it actually, considering that P&P is my favourite books of all times!). it’s the concept of this whole thing that i’m questioning about, and i’m questioning not because i’m challenging the concept of ‘insisting on making it hard when it’s not’, but because i’m genuinely curious. i can accept any legit reason. anything at all… but for now it’s just not making sense.

or is it just that my English is not sophisticated enough to immediately understand what was being said. that could always be an option. and if that is the reason, then i can accept that too.

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