i have always been a hardcore fan of stars. ever since i was young-er, i always have this thing with stars. i am not at all obssessed with hearts like all the other girls in my class were…. that is one of the thing (among several others) that separates me from the rest of the girls in class.
and these… these are lucky stars.
i started making them when mom was pregnant with my youngest sister. i was ten, and Anie (my second sister) was eight.
i was a scarredy cat for all of you who didn’t already know. it’s not really in a physical sense, because i’m not really scared of getting a little scratched, or bruised… can’t stand blood tests but that’s about it. this is more of the ‘unseen’ fear. i’ve been scared of ghosts and spirits or whatever it is that you want to call it… since like, forever. i mean, i can’t see ghosts or anything… but rest assured i will be the last ever person asking for the ‘gift’ to see them. there’s a reason why we (most of us anyway) can’t see the unseen, and i’m eternally grateful that i’m one of those people.
anyways, when mom was pregnant, i was peer-pressured to watch a horror movie. i was in fourth grade, and wanted so badly to join this popular group, and apparently what was trendy at that moment was to watch horror movies. and ohmygawd did i regret watching it. had nightmares for months…. couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat– i dropped 2 kg just for being scared. and mom… she was terrified. because she’s terribly pregnant and i’m terribly scared and you know that’s not a good situation. so one day, i got home from school and she gave me this one ‘fat’ star. she told me that these are lucky stars that could keep me from getting scared.
oh believe me~ i was old enough to know that Santa Clause and toothfairies didn’t exist but i didn’t know why i clung on to every word she said like water to spiderwebs. it was probably just me being confusingly retarded which does happen sometimes, or it was probably me desperately grappling on that one single strand of sanity. and these lucky stars came right on time, so lucky stars it is.
i guess they make me smile because it reminds me of how stupidly foolish i was as a pre-teen, about to go through puberty. it reminds me of the hardships that i have experienced, and also a reminder that i have also gotten over those hardships. even now that i’m turning eighteen in a week, i still find these stars to be comforting. so i bought one small cheap glass jar and made these stars from the left over papers that i found when mom was tidying up that particular stack of madness on the corner of the hallway. i will bring these stars with me to college… it might be forgotten, it might not… but i hope these stars will continue on bringing me luck 😀