i’m sick. and i just said that, which was stupid, because the most important thing to do when you’re sick (that you should never forget) is not to take your meds, but to act like you’re not sick. because acting like you’re sick (when you are) is not going to help *sigh* the complexity of it. but really, the world spins when i stand up and it does so too when i sit down. and yesterday when i got home from Surabaya, i realized that i lost like 3/4th of the nail on my second toe, and these weird bruises start forming, which was weird since i didn’t remember bumping into anything. am also on the brink of a sore throat but whatever.
so anyway, determined to enforce my not-acting-sick-when-you’re-sick rule, i went on facebook and just hang out. saw status updates and picture posts and somehow zoned out to a zone much too serious for a fragile Monday afternoon when all i wanted to do was eat chocolate, but i know i shouldn’t, because it would just worsen my barely-there sore throat… which will not be pleasant.
i saw pictures of my friends in their holidays, doing sporting activities… and i thought: “when this picture was taken, what were they actually thinking?” were they thinking about going to the toilet (like how i have been thinking about that a lot since i’m pretty much sure now that my bladder has shrunk considerably as i grow up), or were they thinking about how hot the temperature was, or even how annoying the afternoon sunlight was when it hits their eyes. and then i saw ancient pictures of them, probably back to the times when i have not known them, or have not met them… and i wonder what they were thinking then.
it’s funny what time does to people. i looked at their picture a long time ago and knew that they haven’t met me. i looked at their pictures now and the weight of all of the times that have expired between now and then somehow shows. and maybe, when that picture was taken, they still remember a conversation they had with me, or with their other friends, or even with their moms.
so sometimes i can’t really agree with those (*coughs* twitter) quotes that have been so overexposed. change is inevitable, as technically the world will die without change–and somehow i understand it when the quotes say how saddening it can be when friends became strangers, but it’s not exactly like that, right? not entirely. because i will always remember my first best friend, and my first crush, and the friends that i played Digimon with, and the children who played at the place where i volunteered in, and the boy that i gave my sole confession to, and the old man that sold me sandwich ice cream, and the lady who sells organic vegetables. even though they might not remember me, or they do not stay in touch with me, i still remember them. and i believe that however small or however thin the string is, we’re still connected, just because i remember. if that is a good thing or a bad thing i still can’t quite figure it out, but oh well.
so that is my afternoon ramble. memories really are extraordinary things. despite the fact that it would be nice to stay in touch with a couple of my friends that had made me happy then as time had permitted, it’s already good to know that my memory in itself is enough to keep us together. at least in my head.
which is now spinning so badly, i should probably rest for a little while before i write more.