“Oh I wouldn’t mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.”

okay, so figuring out that i have been unforgivably MIA on you blog, and also considering that i have finished the book that i talked to you about this morning (yes, the one that i told you i just borrowed from Nadira — John Green’s signed copy of The Faults in Our Stars) i’m going to do a review on it.

it’s good to know that i love books as i have always had before. back when i still had work to do, i sort of lost my streak, but now that i’m on it again, i’m happy to know that i still love books just as much. 😀 maybe more. books and i are like long lost lovers waiting to be reunited, after a third party which is basically GAC. the only downside though (even before i read the book) was that it was not mine. it was not mine to molest… sadly.

again all the WARNINGS . word vomit, spoilers, bla bla bla … you know what you’re getting yourself into.

******************************************************************

so i got this book, and a whole lot people have sworn by this book in Goodreads, and my closest reading pals have also sworn by it (and said they cried several times in the book) so i just had to read it. the genre borders on Tragic Romance. i guess we can leave it at that. regardless, i did not cry. and i spent a whole hour after i’m done reading the book thinking why the hell i didn’t cry when i literally snot my nose off when the last Harry Potter movie came to the theaters here. and that movie wasn’t as touching as this book. i mean i laughed, i swooned, i giggled, i ‘aaw-ed’, and i swear my eyes did get watery, but no… no visible streaks on my cheeks. but it had been months since i last finished a book in only a day… so i have to find out what it was this book that kept me, literally, glued to the spot.

i’m surprised to find that most of the things in this book that people rave about in tumblr and in Goodreads, like the ever so famous quote “my thoughts are stars i can’t fathom into constellation.” does not make that much of an impact to me. i mean okay, it is touching, but it wasn’t necessarily something that got me hooked on to this book.

one particular scene that made me teary was this:

-lines omitted-

“Not your fault, Hazel Grace. We’re all just side effects, right?”

“‘Barnacles on the container ship of consciousness,'” I said, quoting AIA (book title: An Imperial Affliction)

“Okay,” he said. “I gotta go to sleep. It’s almost one.”

“Okay,” I said.

“Okay,” he said.

I giggled and said, “Okay.” And then the line was quiet but not dead. I almost felt like he was there in my room with me, but in a way it was better, like I was not in my room and he was not in his, but instead we were together in some invisible and tenuous third space that could only be visited on the phone.

“Okay,” he said after forever. “Maybe okay will be our always.”

“Okay,” I said.

It was Augustus who finally hung up.

pg 72

i guess it’s not much of the poetic things that he said, much more of the scenes in which he had said it. i mean he’s an insufferable flirt, Augustus– but this sort of reminds me when i was still foolish and young (not saying that i’m not now– ignore the tense) when i had my first boyfriend (again, not that i still have feelings for him) we sorta do this. we’d waste our phone credits just because none of us wanted to cut the call. if i have anything at all to miss in my previous relationships, it would be this situations. it hits close to home.

another line which i quite liked was:

-lines omitted-

I didn’t really say anything to him. I almost wanted him to forget I was there, I guess, and I was hoping he didn’t remember that I’d found the boy I love deranged in a wide pool of his own piss. I kept kind of hoping that he’d look over at me and say, “Oh Hazel Grace. How’d you get here?”

But unfortunately, he remembered. “With each passing minute, I’m developing a deeper appreciation of the word mortified.” he said finally.

“I’ve pissed the bed, Gus, believe me. It’s no big deal.”

“You used,” he said, and then took a deep breath, “to call me Augustus.”

pg 240

it’s not that i was touched with this. it was more of a pride matter. you know there’s a reason why girls ogle their mirrors before a date. it’s because we want to look nice for the ones that we like. because we wanted to make an impression, even though most of the time it didn’t matter. and his insecurity at knowing that she was there when he was spread eagle on his bed in the midst of his piss … it was sad. i sort of can relate.

and you know the thing about Augustus is that he is… okay. so if he is food, then he would not be my favorite. i mean i can chew him and he would taste alright, but he would not taste good. as an aftertaste though, he will be like morphine or chocolate or whatever it is that you prefer. i mean my friends thought that he’s perfect, and i think he’s perfect in that sense.

so i guess this is just a compilation of what i think of the book, not necessarily a review about it. and maybe i didn’t cry because from the very beginning, the very essence of book itself feels like it’s screaming “DON’T CRY!!” somehow it’s like a contract made prior to reading the book. i know that the book is about cancer, and that someone’s bound to die in the book, so why read it if i’m just going to have pity on the characters? i guess it’s not the book that held me off. it’s the characters. because i didn’t pity any of the characters. because they’re there to tell a story, not to be pitied. no matter that they’re dying, that they’re dead, that their daughter is dead, that they have a mother’s friend’s cousin’s son that died of cancer, i didn’t take pity on the character, like i used to. it’s a promise to not cry, and i kept it.

anyways, i guess we all agree that i can make a dissertation out of just this book, and that it wouldn’t be funny if my thesis takes up 10 pages of my blog, so here we have it. i still have tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of other quotes from this book that i love, but listing them all here would make just that. a dissertation. and talking about them without quoting the book will be blasphemic as my explanation alone will strip the book out of its glory. i’ll probably you know… just cut and paste quotes in the near future to my blog, but that’s probably it. oh~ and maybe start on my quest on finding the perfect guy. not necessarily love, just… the perfect guy.

because the need to find a perfect guy is also just another side effect to dying.

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