It happened again b~
I know I’m right and that she shouldn’t have treated me that way. I stood up for myself and it felt liberating. But once the last syllable left my lips the roles reversed. Somehow my consciousness just have to let me know that I’m the bad guy now. It’s like opening the Pandora box. The grief and injustice that I feel is better locked inside the box. Even though it feels good to open the box and let it all out, that feeling doesn’t last forever.
Because the fact is… I don’t have friends. I have two sisters who whisper among themselves, I have friends that don’t understand how much a hug means to me, and I have a mom who only comes to me when she needs to fill out applications. Dad is out of town most of the time, and unfortunately teddy can’t speak.
It’s lonely here… And the funny thing is I’m never alone. I want people who comes to me because they want to, not because they need me. Not because they need to cross check home works. Not because they want me to do something for them. It’s tiring for me to constantly find someone to accompany me when deep down I know they’d rather be somewhere else, with some other friends. Because if this all doesn’t change, I’ll always be that girl who sits at the bus alone during excursion trips and the one who is excluded from all the ‘sister discussions’.
Even worse, they’re never the ones with the problem. As I took a shower this morning, I finally realize that it’s me. I expect too much, and let’s face it. I’m not the most exciting person on earth. Knowing that I may not have a best friend scares me. Feeling that I might not meet a best friend even until the day that I die… That’s what hurts the most.