the last letter of Cyrus Thatcher.

Hello its me, this is gonna be hard for you to read but I write this knowing every time you thinks shits got to much for you to handle (so don’t cry on it MUM!!) you can read this and hopefully it will help you all get through.

For a start SHIT I got hit!! Now Iv got that out the way I can say the things Iv hopefully made clear, or if I havent this should clear it all up for me. My hole life you’v all been there for me through thick and thin bit like a wedding through good and bad. Without you I believe I wouldn’t have made it as far as I have. I died doing what I was born to do I was happy and felt great about myself although the army was sadly the ending of me it was also the making of me so please don’t feel any hate toward it. One thing I no I never made clear to you all was I make jokes about my life starting in the Army. That’s wrong VERY wrong my life began a LONG time before that (Obviously) but you get what I mean. All the times Iv tried to neglect the family get angry when you try teach me right from wrong wot I mean to say is I only realised that you were trying to help when I joined the army and without YOUR help I would have never had the BALLS, the GRIT and the damn right determination to crack on and do it. If I could have a wish in life it would to be able to say Iv gone and done things many would never try to do. And going to Afghan has fulfilled my dream ie my goal. Yes I am young wich as a parent must brake you heart but you must all somehow find the strength that I found to do something no matter how big the challenge. As Im writing this letter I can see you all crying and mornin my death but if I could have one wish in an “after life” it would be to stop your crying and continueing your dreams (as I did) because if I were watching only that would brake my heart. So dry your tears and put on a brave face for the rest of your friends and family who need you.

I want each and everyone of you to forfill a dream and at the end of it look at what you have done (completed) and feel the accomplishment and achievement I did only then will you understand how I felt when I passed away.

[To his brothers:] You are both amazing men and will continue to be throughout your lives you both deserve to be happy and fofill all of your dreams.

Dad – my idol, my friend, my best friend, my teacher, my coach, everything I ever succeeded in my life I owe to you and maybe a little bit of me! You are a great man and the perfect role model and the past two years of being in the army I noticed that and me and you have been on the best level we have ever been. I thank you for nothing because I no all you have given to me is not there to be thanked for its there because you did it cause you love me and that is my most proudest thing I could ever say.

Mum, where do I start with you!! For a start your perfect, your smell, your hugs, the way your life was dedicated to us boys and especially the way you cared each and every step us boys took. I love you, you were the reason I made it as far as I did you were the reason I was loved more than any child I no and that made me feel special.

Your all such great individuals and I hope somehow this letter will help you get through this shit time!! Just remember do NOT mourn my death as hard as this will seem, celebrate a great life that has had its ups and downs. I love you all more than you would ever no and in your own individual ways helped me get through it all. I wish you all the best with your dreams.

Remember chin up head down. With love Cyrus xxxx

‘Hello mum, this is going to be hard for you to read…’ << full article

._. his spelling sucks. idk if that’s on purpose, but it sucks. badly. and not on any account would i write numerous ‘f*cks’ and ‘sh*ts’ when writing a letter to my mom, but maybe things are different there than it is here. XD

so, okay. i know that everyone has to die at one point of their life, but i can never stand stories like this.

you know, stories where people choose to die rather than to live– because even though those said people live in the army for example, or have malignant cancer, they chose their path. and from their conscious decision, they chose to die.

Cyrus told his mother in his last letter that being in the army was where he allegedly ‘found himself’ and that he’s proud to be in the army, to die in the army, and thanked his mom for making him have the determination to pursue his military career. and then i read another passage some time ago where a mother of 2 kids decided to take euthanasia instead of fighting her disease. i read the account of her son when he wrote in the last days of his mother’s life. they were still fighting on who should clean the bathroom (which was imo, ridiculous) and how he wished he didn’t fight as much with his mother and also to have the chance to make up the time lost bickering with her. and we were there, the three of us, to see her sleep. it was more or less that. the husband, and the two sons, watched as a beloved wife and mother died.

it might be selfish of me but i, will do everything in my power to make my mom stay, even if she chose euthanasia. i cannot be there, holding my mom’s hand while she’s going to die her planned death. i cannot stay at home, getting constant letters from my son who is in Afghanistan, knowing that at one point, those letters would stop and he would never make it home. i just can’t.

maybe my point of view will change. because i never know (and i pray to never know) how it feels like to have your hairs falling off your body when you’re under chemo, or have the passion to fight in the army. maybe then, my point of view will change.

but for now, i cannot stand planned death, not even stories about them. and i pray with all my might, that people whom i care about, will live until the age of 95 and die in their sleep. that’s the best way to die.


33 thoughts on “the last letter of Cyrus Thatcher.

  1. i might not agree with your views but interesting article. i just wonder – what if a soldier went to afghanistan and made it back alive; are they angry that they didn’t die because according to you, they “chose to die”?

    1. lol. if the soldier made it back alive then good for him 😀 i doubt anyone would be angry that they ‘didn’t die’. what i meant was Cyrus, and every other guy who wants to be in the military, chose their path being perfectly aware that they might never come back again. that is what i’m debating. i’m sorry if i made you confused… but the mother who chose euthanasia definitely planned her death beforehand. what i meant was, if my son’s a soldier, or if i’m the daughter of a sick mother, i would spend every second of my waking hours finding a reason for my mom to not choose euthanasia or for my son to not be engaged in a career path that could potentially kill him. but that’s just me being selfish. i could never understand the motive that drives them to do what they want to do, because (thankfully) up until now, i never did have the determination or even the want to join the army, or feel such unworldly pain from having cancer.

      i hope that clears it up good 😀 and thank you so much for commenting ! your comment gave me an insight on how i could improve my writing.

      1. thanks for replying.

        i respect your views no doubt, especially after admitting it is just a selfish motivation, but what about military conscription then?

        in a nutshell, i don’t think it’s fair to say soldiers “choose to die, rather than to live”. for the sake of argument, any career path can potentially kill you – accidentally or not. for example; a pilot has a higher chance of dying on his job than a soldier. and the construction industry has a higher fatality rate than the military.

        according to your logic then – a pilot or a construction worker, in your words, “chose their path, and from their conscious decision, they chose to die”. so i put it to you then, that you will try your best to forbid your loved ones from being a, let’s say, pilot, if that’s their dream because they “engaged in a career path than could potentially kill them”?

        i’m not trying to nit pick but that’s my take on the soldier thingy. euthanasia, on the other hand, is a totally different issue. and i like the way you put it, it’s just selfish of us to form a judgement because we don’t know what they are going through.

        well, i think you’re a bloody good writer. thumbs up for a well-thought out blog. i confess i spend quite some time going through it.

      2. no problem… it’s always a pleasure to reply comments.

        i only take euthanasia and the army as an example because i came across an article that discusses those topics specifically, i understand that there are many other jobs that has a higher fatality rate than those that i write in my article. if i may rephrase, it’s not exactly that they “chose their path, and from their conscious decision, they chose to die.” it’s more like they know that the career that they choose might impose more danger that may be fatal compared to other jobs. and yes, my logic does imply that people who wants to be pilots or construction workers know what they’re going into before they become whatever it is that they want to do and when it comes to me, i would find reasons to hold them back. now that i think about it, anyone can get hit by a car and die regardless of what their jobs are, but can you agree with me that there really are jobs that enforce more danger compared to other jobs? the probability of a typewriter getting hit by a bomb compared to a soldier’s would be really low as they’re not exposed to that kind of environment. and it’s not like they’re going to get stuck inside their computer and die… despite it being assumptions, i do believe that if my son works as a typewriter, he wouldn’t be that exposed to bombs or bullets or whatnot, and might live longer if he didn’t get to car accidents or food poisoning, that could also kill him. does that make any sense? a typewriter could just be careful not to be in an accident, and live, while a soldier should be careful of both the bombs and the day-to-day accidents that could happen to everyone.

        i hope you understand that i’m just a selfish teenager who barely pass the period of puberty, but if i become a mother later on, i would like to be a good one that my children could be proud of. idk if i will still restrict my loved ones, or my kids so to say, of the occupation that they choose, but for now… i’m pretty sure that my first reactions will be to try and convince them to stay.

        lol. i can only be a good writer if people such as yourself spare the time to read my articles and comment on them. it provides me with a reflection that i can never find elsewhere, so thank you so much. ^^

  2. thanks for replying.

    yes, i do agree that there are jobs that enforce more danger compared to other jobs. its a given fact. and it’s hilarious imagining a typewriter getting hit by a bomb because its… well dramatic. i’m assuming you meant the job of a writer, since a typewriter is an… object.

    but i digress. so going by what you wrote; you will restrict your son from actually living his dream. isn’t that unfair? i’m sure a soldier, a pilot, a construction worker and even a writer wouldn’t want to die doing their job. but while the soldier and pilot has a higher chance of dying, i think if the writer were to somehow die doing his job – they all would share the same thing right… dying while doing something they truly enjoy and love.

    what will be the point of living then if you were to restrict yourself and others from doing what they want. would you rather live to a ripe old age of 95 years old but live a boring, uneventful life or just live life to the fullest without bothering about death? we live in a free world and you can choose whatever you want so i don’t think its fair to restrict others from living theirs. or say that they choose to die.

    i’m also barely out of my teenage years, but i think we should look at the world from various perspectives. as you said, your thinking might change when you become a mother but who knows whether we can even live till tomorrow? carpe diem….. seabiscuits (is that a horse?)

    aye sorry for the long preach.

    1. lol! typewriter… what an epic way of showing the idiot in me… i meant typesetter.. the one who works in subbing group, but writer works just fine.

      pardon me for asking, but are you a guy? my point of asking is that i might bore you with my explanations if you are, and you might also not get what i mean. don’t get me wrong, i’m not trying to discriminate sexes, it’s just that my explanation might make more sense if you’re a girl, so to say. i actually asked this question to my friends, just so that i know what they think about the subject.

      it’s hard to explain it without sounding selfish, then again, it depends on who’s side you’re looking at. from the perspective of the son, the mother will always be seen as selfish if she’s to restrict him of his ‘passion’ or his ‘dream’. but when you look from the perspective of the mom, wouldn’t the son be a little selfish too? she raised him into being a fine young man and when he finally grow up, he decided to go to the army–say if the son doesn’t take the mother’s opinion into account. wouldn’t it be a little selfish of him to disregard the pleas of a woman who’s scared of losing him, just because she has spent 9 months carrying him around in her stomach and also spending the next 18-20 years raising him?

      i agree that life would definitely be bland if you live without doing what you want to do, but at the same time, you live in a community… you’re surrounded by the people who loves you and it’s only natural for those who are close to you to hold on even if it’s your choice to go to the army. so it depends on the person. i’m fully aware that the three options in this scenario (if we ignore the accidents that we might get into) would be to live free and die young, to live free and die old (if you’re lucky) or to not be free and… live. basically that.

      maybe ‘letting go’ would be the hardest thing that i will ever do if i’m the mother. i would definitely object at first and find reasons to make my son stay, but then again, there’s nothing that i can do about it. if it really is his passion, my son will go whether or not i give him permission to, and that’s when i know that going to the army is his ultimate dream, and that i have to accept whether i like it or not.

      😀 carpe diem. of course everyone should seize the moment while they still have it, hypothetically…
      and yes, seabiscuit is the name of a horse, even though i didn’t know about it until just 3 months ago…
      i was eating biscuits while watching Nemo… hence ‘seabiscuit’
      you can call me iggs ^^ thanks for commenting.

      1. oh hi iggs. thanks for replying.

        i’m sorry to disappoint but i’m a guy. oh a typesetter. well, a typesetter can die from overstress of subbing eh?

        don’t worry, it wasn’t boring but an eye opener to view the perspectives of a girl (you are a girl right?) on this issue. yes i agree with you. people are naturally selfish and think more for themselves than others.

        but that was why i disagreed with you and found your statement of soldiers “choosing to die” unfair. you chose to look from your own perspectives and not of the late cyrus thatcher. instead, you judged him, and every soldier, that they “chose their path. and from their conscious decision, they chose to die”. true, i agree with you that some career are potentially dangerous than others. but i didn’t state that those who chose safer careers aren’t living their life to the fullest right?

        granted we live in a community and we will always face a certain dilemma when making decisions. but what i believe in is you don’t do something in life just to please someone.

        of course, no mother would want to see their son enter a dangerous career. but if they love their son more, they will relent. why? a mother’s love is not measured by how much she cares for her children, but by the sacrifices she makes for them.

        wait, now that’s selfish of me to assume a perspective of a mother yeah.

        well what got me to comment at first was because i’ll be enlisting in the military in a few months time. and no, i didn’t choose to die. seabiscuit is a movie title right? that’s how i guess. strange, you actually named your blog while eating biscuits and watching ‘finding nemo’… i wonder how you will name your children; first thing that caught your eye after delivery? i kid. and you call me ali (if that isn’t obvious enough). hope you have a good day ahead!

      2. ^^ typesetting is not an easy thing to do… i work as a volunteer in a subbing group, and trust me, it’s not easy. and yes, i’m a girl… most of the time 😉

        maybe i am judging the late Cyrus Thatcher and instead of thinking in his perspective, i thought from mine… i’m deeply sorry about that if i did judge him harshly. but just as a thought, don’t you think that being a mother is also an occupation? it’s actually something peculiar. some women, even if they couldn’t produce kids of their own, thought that they’re destined to be mothers. i know it’s rather strange, but believe it or not, there are women like that. they simply like to be housewives… you know, take care of the kids, cook, clean… and passion can be anything, right? so say a women who felt like she’s destined to be a mother had to let go of her son to the army, what would that feel like for her? she would object at first for the fear of him getting hurt, but then like any mother who loves her son deeply, she let him go so that he could fulfill his dream, despite with a heavy heart. suddenly she was notified that her son was killed during an unexpected explosion, what would she feel then?

        even though she knew that her son wanted to be in the army, wouldn’t she felt as if she had failed? her only objective in life was to take care of her children, and now she’s lost one of them, or maybe even her only one. she maybe would despise the army later on, maybe not… but granted, she would constantly blame herself for not trying to make him stay. the selfishness lies there. it depends on the mother though… the question now is, if she couldn’t let go for the reason that being a mother is what she’s meant and was born to do, then isn’t the son selfish enough to have generated such self loathing in his mother?

        so now, it’s between the two. the son getting to live his dream, or the mother getting to live her’s. and dilemmas always happen at this stage, but influenced by this democratic world, and also by the majority of people who voted on free will, of course it’s the mother who always has to let go of her son. because somehow, enforced by the notation of ‘free will’ as well as the love of a mother to her son, which of course will prioritize the ‘well being’ of the son’s dream itself, the mother would have to let go sooner or later, if that really is what her son’s ought to do. i said i would spend every second of my waking hours trying to find reasons to make my ‘hypothetical son’ stay, but that doesn’t mean i would succeed. most people disregard the job of mothers and the fact that a lot of women have the passion of being one. i can’t determine who’s more selfish, but then again, the lines get blurry here, don’t you think?

        lol! you know what? i kind of guessed that you’re planning to enlist in the military. because no one would comment and actually get to the bottom of things if the said article didn’t mean anything to them. and i don’t like the idea of you ‘choosing to die’ either, so please don’t. live a long and happy life 😉 as for the name of my children… i actually thought of Cleopatra for a girl, and Truffle for a boy. i know they contrast each other, but i think Truffle’s cute, even though it’s a name of a mushroom. it’s an expensive type of mushroom though, if you want to see it in a positive light. anyways, my friends all say that if i name my son Truffle, he would hate me for eternity and so i’m thinking of other names, probably the boring common ones, like Kevin or James. but who knows… lol.

        you have my best wishes, Ali. good luck in the army 😉

  3. hi iggs, thanks for the reply!

    is subbing the kind of thing that appears in anime/dramas that require english/other language subs? oh so what happens when you turned into a male eh?

    by the way, i didn’t choose to enter the military. i come from the tiny island named singapore, and unfortunately, there’s mandatory conscription for the boys. although it’s not something i look forward to, i still feel proud to serve my nation and defend my loved ones.

    i do understand your viewpoints and opinions. i think what both of us had been doing was just reiterating our points. having said (technically type) all that, i guess we are both assuming the viewpoints of all parties.

    yes, mothers would love to keep their child safe but if the mother happened to be a soldier herself then it might be a different case. the son might also not want to enter the army by choice but since his parents are servicemen, he might be pressured to follow in their footsteps. there are too many variables in this case.

    hopefully there will be no more wars to come so no mother would have to sacrifice their sons to the battlefield.

    it seems like you are very enthusiastic about being a mother! you have even thought about giving them names, wow. are you egyptian? cos cleopatra is that eygptian queen right. and i think truffle is cute. its different and unique. truffle reminds me of chocolate… i think i’m gonna grab one soon. i love the name sara aubrie and shan redzuan, so if you meet any kids in the future with those name… they might be mine. if the future missus agrees.

    have a good day unnie!

    1. ^^ i agree that there are too many variables to be taken into account. there are just too many possibilities that might happen in one scenario, and it would be rather impossible to talk through all of them one by one.

      and i actually guessed right then! i always receive your comment on my phone, and then reply through web. my phone actually specify where your IP address comes from, and it said ‘sg’. i didn’t know that boys are obliged to do military conscription. i thought it was only in Korea… but then again, i’m wrong about a lot of! yes, hopefully no more wars will break out so that no mothers would be losing her son(s) at war.

      no, i’m not Egyptian. i’m half Indonesian, half Chinese, and the name ‘Cleopatra’ was just chosen out of the blue… you think Truffle’s cute? then you’re just about the first person that said that. Sara Aubrie is really cute, where did the inspiration come from?

      have a good day yourself Ali!

      1. lesson learnt; don’t make statements without taking everything into account. then again, we live in a free world and i respect your right to free speech.

        you’re a stalker. how come you can guess many things about me… and what kind of phone do you possess. it has advance capabilities unheard off! i kid.

        well technically i’m not a boy. and secondly, it’s a law. there are other countries like switzerland, israel, thailand that have this law. eh don’t they teach social studies in egypt? or indonesia?

        you chose your daughter’s name out of the blue. wow. how’s that for spontaneity! why am i, since the name truffle sounds cute. i can just imagine a boy toddler with blonde hair with the name truffle. i always love the name sara… aubrie is the name of the first love. i will never forget the person or the name.

        got snow? hahahaha

      2. looking back at our previous convos, i see that i was merely defending the perspective of the mother, while you were defending the perspective of the kid. so i guess we couldn’t exactly make statements even if we consider both sides because then everything will just get mixed up. the world is made up of things that contradicts nearly everything at the same time.

        i’m a ninja stalker… always have been. information… just goes my way apparently. my phone is an ordinary blackberry and it’s in no way advanced. T.T

        you mean, you passed the maturity age? what is the maturity age in Singapore? we do get social studies, but even when we were studying the ASEAN countries, i don’t remember discussing about military conscription. :/ but maybe that’s just me. i don’t have social studies anymore though… i took the science stream and so i didn’t get social studies for almost three years now. if you don’t mind telling me, how old are you exactly? since you’re telling me that you’re technically no longer ‘a boy’. i’m seventeen, and yes, technically, i’m no longer ‘a girl’ in my country. i always try to act mature just because i’m the eldest of three children and recently, my mom decided that she’s going to act like a kid again. so… got to step up on my role. but i know i’ll always be a little girl at heart.

        names are supposed to be spontaneously chosen. then again, i still have a good 8-10 years before i ‘maybe’ become a mother. so, i’m still keeping my options open. Sara Aubrie… it is a really beautiful name. it’s good to know of a guy who still remembers his first love. some guys don’t even remember the name of their recent ex’s. so congratulations to you. 😀

        do you mean the WordPress snow? haha~ yea, its always snowing here… which is good since i have never seen actual snow before… *sigh* someday, i will.

  4. i think i wasn’t really defending his perspective. i was defending his (and every soldier, pilot, construction worker, and every dangerous job imaginable) right to choose whatever he wants. i guess everyone has their own motives for doing something. even till now, i’ve no idea why cyrus joined the army. and i’ve nothing against mothers who forbid their children from joining the army. well i might disagree but i won’t call them selfish.

    heh, if we were to consider everyone’s perspectives, then we’ll be politicians right.

    okay, bad joke. but seriously, should i be scared of a ninja stalker? if you are, don’t you already know what’s my age.

    the official age to be called upon by the military is 16. if they call you when you’re under that, then it’ll be child soldiering already which is illegal under the UN convention which singapore is a signatory. once you’re 16, you’ll get the dreaded letter from the military and you can choose whether to defer, if you’re still studying, or go for the medical check up.

    i just assume girls are mainly not interested to know about this stuff since its boring. in singapore, social studies is a compulsory subject all the way till O levels. but the topics are generally confined to within singapore and its society. so in a way, we also didn’t learn much about other ASEAN countries.

    seventeen? are you serious? i thought you were older. much older. i thought you were in your early twenties! i’m twenty and i graduated earlier this year thats why i’ve been called up..

    i’m not privy to your family matters, and i do not wish to judge or assume but i pray you have the mental strength to carry on.

    haha, i can’t wait to be a father. i love kids (not in that way!). but yeah, i got many other things to worry about now.

    oh speaking from experience? but i think its true that all guys remember their first love. we all wished it had been our last as well.

    hmmm i thought you’re living far, far away in a european country? that’s why i asked whether its snowing wherever you are. it seems not. i guess we share something in common then. i’ve never seen snow before too. yeah, someday we will…

    1. sorry about that. what i meant by you defending the ‘son’s perspective’ was yea, what you said. the people who chose to do dangerous jobs. to me, ‘selfishness’ itself is generalizing. you wouldn’t exactly call anyone selfish for wanting what they want, but then again, all humans are selfish. ._.

      no, you shouldn’t be scared of ninja stalkers. i’m a friendly stalker 😀 which is why i refrain from secretly trying to figure out your age and asked you instead. and did you just say (or wrote, in this case) that you thought i was in my early twenties? dude… that’s like… blasphemy. do i really look (or sound) that old? the thing about me is that people think i’m older if they only talk to me, because i talk (or write) like ‘this’, if you know what ‘this’ means. but when they see me in person, they’ll think that i’m a junior high student. to be honest, idk which one’s worse… all i can say is that i’m enjoying the luxury of still being called a ‘teenager’. time is moving so fast as it is, i’ll be fifty before i know it.

      so, you just graduated? graduated from uni, right? how long is uni there in Singapore? i’ll be eighteen soon after being a high school graduate so i i’ll probably be a uni graduate at the age of 21-22… but you graduated at the age of 20… that’s pretty cool.

      there’s technically nothing wrong with my family, there’s just those occasional moments of misunderstandings. this is actually an assumption, but i think all children will eventually watch as their parents, astonishingly, return to the vulnerability of childhood. i guess the process begins much earlier than expected for me… but i’m not complaining. i love kids as well! we also have that in common–but i still have a long way to go before i become a mother, and i bet you still want to do a lot of things before you get to be a dad.

      lol~ kinda speaking from experience, yes, but not mine (thankfully). i’m not the kind of person who ‘falls’ for a person easily, if you want to put it that way. my first love was when i was three… can you imagine that?! and when he moved school, or should i say, kindergarten, i cried myself to sleep for like a long long time–haha~ funny puppy love story. didn’t quite get attracted to anyone until just recently… hard to fall for someone, but also hard to move on once ‘fallen’. whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, i’m still undecided :/

      i live in Indonesia! really really close to Singapore. (well, not that close… ) the closest it came to snowing here was when we experienced sleet. idk if ‘sleet’ is the proper word for it, but big chunks of ice fell in with the rain. it was scary. ._.

  5. i’d define selfish as going for what you want without consideration for others. if that’s the case, then i wouldn’t call you, cyrus, all mothers, and everyone mentioned as selfish. i don’t think they – and you – made a judgment without discussing with their loved ones.

    hah, human are naturally selfish i’d say, not out of self-interest but more to survival. those who are kind and unselfish are usually taken advantaged off and left in the bottom of the human pack. everyone just wants to survive.

    i’m sure friendly and stalker don’t belong in the same sentence! well a simple google search of my name can yield wonders. unfortunately i’m pretty famous (hahaha).

    erm, yes. you do sound very matured (although your writing may not reflect it). initially. but really, you do sound beyond your age. at 17, i was just… learning how to do my tie! i guess there are pros and cons. you can sneak into disneyland, but not a club. and hey, enjoy your age and time. take it from us – older people. you only live 17 once, so enjoy it. don’t be 17 and pretend to be like 25.

    i wish. nah, i graduated with a diploma only. i’ll be resuming my undergraduate studies after military service. the military only allow deferment up to diploma/a levels.

    the degrees here are like the same in any university in other countries – 4 years for bachelor with honors. so i guess you wish to take some scientific degree in uni? what are you studying anyway…

    well of course. i would love to be a dad but not a penniless, broke dad. i’m sure everyone have dreams and aspirations. what are yours if you don’t mind sharing? i’m always inspired by other people’s dreams. it motivates me to exceed my own expectations.

    first love at 3? i don’t know whether to cheer or sigh, haha. i was 11 when i met aubrie. she wasn’t the most beautiful girl in school but i like her hair. yeah weird, but i was attracted to her hair. at that time, i was still green in the art of courting a lady so i acted all mean towards her and was a bully. i thought that was the only way to get her attention. maybe cos we were at that age then, it worked, haha.

    it’s been a long time since i’ve been in a relationship or liked another girl. i just find it a waste of time and an addition to my problems. sure, there are times i crave for that… feeling but its usually temporary. well, i’ve always believe in the adage ‘it’s better to have love and lost, than to have never loved at all’.

    oh so you live there. ahh no wonder. yeah we are just an hour of a flight away. have i mention that i love nasi rawon. yeah… the closest singapore came to snowing was… we built snow city hahaha.

    1. hey… sorry for not replying for a long time. just finished my finals.. i wasn’t actually actively blogging for the past week.

      bleh~ who wants to pretend to be 25 when they’re 17? i am proud to say that i’m so far enjoying the age where i can be considered mature while also having a healthy dose of ‘smartass-ness’ in me tolerated. it’s just that our previous conversations about mothers and sons forced me to look further than my usual field.

      really? what are you famous for? i only know that you’re Ali, so that’s obviously insufficient information… i couldn’t google you and get specific information now can i?

      well~ not really a scientific degree. i wish to take linguistics. so it’s the science of language, but language itself is art. some universities classify it under ‘Arts and Humanities’, some classify it under ‘Liberal Arts and Sciences’. i’m not so sure. i guess it’s an interdisciplinary program then?

      i hope life has been good to you. have a good day Ali.

      1. merry christmas iggy.

        well its alright =) i wish you get the results you desire for your finals. i was away on vacation too so yeah doesn’t matter.

        i still can’t get over the fact that your’re 17. you’re really mature. but not those kind of irritating, annoying kids but mature type. those type i would love to slap them in their faces. you’re not.

        nah i’m not famous. i just make films so yeah i’m pretty google-able. so you want to study language? that’s cool. i always love to learn new languages. not much the history and how it came about though. why though do you love linguistics? i mean its not something you just fall in love with at first sight right…

        talking about love at first sight, there’s been an issue that has been bugging me which i might need your help with. don’t worry i won’t ask anything personal.

        i would like to ask you – what if you meet the right person at the wrong time?

        by that i mean what if you meet your dream guy/perfect one/the one you’ve been waiting for when you’re already in a relationship. or you’re dating a guy and it’s serious and he’s actually going to ask to be in a relationship with you.

        what will you do?

        there’s way too many what-ifs and definitions and variables but just take the question at face value. what will you do?

        it’s just some research i’m doing. thanks a lot for helping me.

        take care!

      2. merry christmas to you too Ali 😀 may God bless you and your family always.

        i do really… i was so sick of studying, so i thought i flunked all of my exams–but i surprisingly got full score in biology, which is really shocking considering that i don’t really give a damn when i did the test :/ weird though. every time i try hard to get 100% in my tests, i never succeed.

        so it’s a good thing then? i want to be mature enough so that people will take me seriously, but still be lenient on me since i’m still ‘a child’ 😉 i never want to be obnoxiously mature.. *sigh* so thank you for that.

        wow… what kind of film? something like a documentary? or a featured movie perhaps?… you know, like the ones shown in sundance film festivals… that’s really cool! yes, i want to study language, and on the contrary, it is actually love at first ‘major sighting’ 😉 i used to want to be a doctor, but i’m not good with blood– i don’t mind actually seeing it live, but i once fainted when one of my friends describe ‘blood’ to me. ikr.. pathetic. but that just goes to show how more gruesome my imagination is compared to the real thing. *shivers* if you ask why linguistics, then idk. lol. it just came naturally to me, i guess. and i love both science and social studies just the same so linguistics can sort of bridge my too wide a range of interest.

        your question is… intriguing. firstly, i do believe in first sight. i’m a romantic, and i’m 99.9% sure that the reason why people look so hard for love is because it’s the closest thing that we have to magic. it’s interesting that you ask me this question when i’m in the middle of.. basically, all of that. but the other way around. he’s in a relationship, i’m not.. and the only solution is to back away. it’s a shame since i had a few flings now and then (i guess it’s a girl thing? .__.) but he’s actually someone that i feel strongly about. and that’s saying something because he’s only the second person that has ever made me feel that way, if you catch my drift. i’m only assuming that he has a girlfriend, but a pretty strong assumption at that. my decision to back away was because i know how it feels like to be cheated on–my first boyfriend cheated on me and decided that my best friend was better if you must know, and i spend my whole three years of junior high school watching my ex-boyfriend and my so called best friend be together (we’re a pretty small class)… but that’s a different story entirely. my point is, under no circumstances will i ever be ‘the third person’. it’s a vow i know i’ll never break.

        i guess you should just believe that if it’s meant to be, it will be. if it’s not meant to be yours, you will lose it either way, no matter how hard you tried to get it. i hope that’s useful.

        as always, see you around Ali ^^

  6. hey iggs, thanks for the wish!

    i find that experiences similar too, law of the world i guess.

    err you’re not a child. okay granted you’re underage.initially i thought you were obnoxiously mature. maybe the way you write puts me off like you’re a real selfish person. hahaha serious.

    that’s wishful thinking for my works to be screened at international film festivals but if i have the opportunity, why not. i’m more of a hobbyist, making short films because i love to tell stories and it’s really fun to make new friends every time i have a new project.

    wow that’s a morbidly interesting. well everyone has their weak points. having one doesn’t make you pathetic, it just makes you normal. i myself have a fear of… horror movies. i know its stupid right but i hate watching them (although i made a few horror short films before, the irony). it’s even more embarrassing when you’re a guy and supposed to be macho and brave. but i hate getting scared. makes me have nightmare for weeks… unfortunately i have a fervent imagination too. helps when you’re writing stories but not when you’re alone in your bed at night.

    hmmm, is it intriguing in a good way or intriguing in a bad way?

    and that’s a really good line! i must admit its the first time i heard it… ‘the reason why people look so hard for love is because it’s the closest thing that we have to magic.’ may i borrow it?

    i didn’t mean to pry or to open old wounds. i’m sorry if it made you think of less desirable or unhappy thoughts. but wait i don’t understand your story… you like this guy but you’re backing off because you’re assuming he has a girlfriend? what if he doesn’t? and how does he feel about you?

    and that must be a sucky feeling. fortunately i never felt what its like to cheat or be cheated on. worse still with your best friend. but i believe in something called karma. i think it’s a vow everybody should make. to never cheat. but then again, how do we define cheating? both sexes have a different interpretation of what cheating is. sorry lawyer mode on.

    moving on, thanks for sharing with me your thoughts. it’s nice to hear from the perspective of a lady. but let me put it this way. let me rephrase my question.

    you’re single but seeing someone. he’s not entirely your dream guy but he’s great too. you are definitely comfortable around him. he proposed to you one day but you tell him that you will give him an answer soon. on that other day you met your dream guy. you don’t really know whether he is THE ONE but he has all the traits of your dream guy. here comes the question – will you accept the proposal of that great guy or take a chance and go with the dream guy? and do bear in mind that you only have one evening to choose. if you select the great guy, you will never see the dream guy again. if you select the dream guy, the great guy won’t ever talk to you again.

    yeah a bit ridiculous sounding now but please give me your thoughts =)

    thanks so much iggs, it’s very much appreciated! see ya around.

    1. hey Ali…

      yea, probably no longer a child. but the term ‘underage’ feels restraining. you know like when you go to a bookshop and there’s an ‘adult only’ section… i know it’s probably there for all the right purposes, but if there’s one thing you do not want to impose on me, it’s restriction. i am… and must be the one of the most stubborn girls you’ll ever come across. *sigh* i still don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. someone restricts me, i’m sure to rebel whether i like it or not. it’s in the genes.

      well, it’s one thing to be innocent… it’s another to be naive. i am seventeen, and i know for sure.. 110% that the world isn’t selfless and that it will never be. once the entire world have peace for more than 3 minutes simultaneously, it will be the end of it. because isn’t that what humanity is all about? to put it in the extremes, what are we if not selfish? sure, there are a lot of people who commit to themselves into being selfless, but they are not selfless by nature. i call it the perfect selfishness. well, i read it off a Murakami book, but i agree. we aim to be as selfless as we can, but we can never be entirely… because the world itself is selfish, and we know that. so when i was writing to my post on Thatcher, it would be logical for me to see it from Thatcher’s perspective since i am ‘the child’ and i have dreams that i want to live. but then again, i know that if i’m his mother, i would not let him go that easily. heck, i might be losing 10 kilos just thinking about his dream.

      no apologies needed… i guess you never will forget your first love. and i recall you telling me that i should just disregard the variables and the what-ifs, and so i did. that is what i came up with. cheating is cheating… no matter how you define it, it will still be wrong. it is wrong for the wrong reasons as it will also be wrong for the right reasons. about the quote… what do you mean borrowing it? like you’ll credit me or something? no biggy… words are just words. it will never have meaning if you don’t believe in it, so i guess you also believe that love is the closest thing we have to magic (?)

      hmm~ i’m sorry for not really answering your question. in that case, i will definitely be in a dilemma. but then again, i’m the type of girl who will automatically say ‘yes’ if someone that i love propose to me. it’s like, if i’m having second thoughts, a subconscious part of me will immediately recognize the error. this might struck you as selfish (again), but i know what i want. i might get side tracked for a while, and not all girls or women (if you prefer it that way) think or act like me, but since you’re asking me, i would say that i would go for the other guy. because once i say “i’ll think about it.” then i don’t really love the guy who is, hypothetically, proposing to me. does that answer your question?

      what do you need this for anyway? … if you don’t mind me asking that is.


      1. hey iggs!

        so if i say don’t sing the alphabets out loud right now, you will actually sing it? hah i dare you.

        i’m too tired to dissect your statement and give a counter-argument again so yeah you’re right. agree with you completely. your thinking is perfect.

        so you said that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be right. what if its not meant to be? you leave the other guy for this dream guy of yours and it doesn’t work out. and then it’s back to the whole circle of finding/waiting/chasing the right one. when do you know enough is enough and just stick with one.

        first of all, what constitutes cheating – is flirting with the opposite sex cheating? or is going out with an opposite sex even though you’re attached considered cheating? or maybe cheating is cheating if you think it is? and even if there’s no universal constitution on what is cheating – is cheating wrong? what makes it wrong. nobody said you can’t cheat.

        actually you did answer my question earlier. i just rephrased it into a more specific setting this time. i think i catch your drift. but my preposition might be bias towards the dream guy. i’ll assume that if you’re attached with someone and then you met the dream guy, you will be faithful to whoever you are with?

        for a short film. i’m making one soon. my last present before i enter the military. and sorry if i sound like a total jerk, i just got rejected. a part of me hate all the women in the world right now.

        what is ttys?

      2. hi ^^

        you know what? i just did. i got your comment and sang right away. even asked my sister to join me.

        dude… you’re tired of dissecting my statements and giving me counter arguments yet you jump in and ask me what-if scenarios again in the next paragraphs >.< if i didn't know better i would think of what you said as a compliment. but thank you for the sarcasm Ali 😀 it brightened up my day.

        congratulations on your rejection. i'm not kidding… it just shows how much of a man you are to ask the woman first. a rejection meant that you stepped out of your comfort zone and asked a lady out even though you may not know the odds. (or you do… i'm not sure :/) trust me, a man who would do that is rare nowadays. mostly they actually 'wait' for the women to make the first move. i mean, i know men are also scared of rejections, but that shouldn't give them the thought that they could do whatever is convenient and be a coward instead of fighting for the ones that they want. i guess it gives you the right to hate us… for now :p don't hate on us for long yea? you may think we're cruel now, but would you rather be accepted and cheated on or rejected from the beginning?

        speaking of cheating… idk. i'm a girl, so i do look at these things from my perspective. bear with me. none of the things that you write may constitute to cheating, but at the same time, all of them could. sometimes you just have to shut off your brain and listen to your heart (as corny as that sounds) because not everything can be put into reason. i would prefer my future boyfriend to not flirt with other women, but i mean… eating out? as friends? that's acceptable, right? so i guess when you have someone that you really love, you should talk about this with them. define what cheating is for you. it's your conscience that set the boundaries. if you're human enough, and you do love the one who you're with, then your heart will start forming boundaries. personal bubbles, or maybe spaces that are reserved just for that someone. yes, no one said that you cannot cheat, but would you go through the burden of cheating and being the biggest jerk on earth and hurting the feelings of the person that you love JUST because no law states "you cannot cheat." ? i mean, if you're having second thoughts, at least you loved her once (or you thought you did) and there are times that she made you happy, right? doesn't that demand for respect in her part? that is what matters.

        if it's meant to be, then it will be. i stay firm on that. if you're to dwell on what-ifs… what if you stay in your comfort zone, marry the one who proposed to you and be with them forever. and one day when your hair is graying and you're turning 60 the next Sunday for example, and thought how your life may be different? things like this… you don't exactly regret it if you choose the wrong choice because you did say that the guy who propose is a great guy, right? 😉 and i'm assuming the girl married him out of love. but as a girl, you will spend your time wondering. that what-if could haunt you for the rest of your life. so if it's me, i would do what i think is right. for other people, they may prioritize marriage, and settling with a family… and even though i do want those things too, i want to share it with someone who i know i will love for the rest of my life, not just for the first 10 years of my marriage. it's like one of those questions… if i ask you… would you rather have someone who loves you, whom you CANNOT love… or would you be with someone whom you love who DOESN'T love you? you'll base that on priorities, wouldn't you? on what consequences you are prepared to accept. i haven't experience a love that would make me feel like i would die if i don't have it (naturally… 17 T.T) but if i do experience such intense devotion and passion, i'd like to think that i would have the courage to seize it.

        apology accepted. rejections are rejections and they're ugly no doubt. feel better soon 'k? *hugs*

        ttys = talk to you soon 😉

  7. hello there

    i applaud you for your vigorous enthusiasm. so hmmm, don’t run around the house while playing “the final countdown” in the background because its crazy!

    the tired part was meant for your selfish theory. it doesn’t apply for the succeeding paragraphs. i know right. i love sarcasm also. love it so much. oh so so much.

    wait what. congratulations? yeah probably. if its not meant to be, it won’t be. but there’s nothing manly in asking a girl out or telling her that you like her. it’s just natural. hell if a girl comes to me and asks me out, it’s normal also. i don’t go around slapping a set of norms to everyone. if you like someone, tell. if you wanna go out, ask. doesn’t matter if you’re boy or girl. or transsexual even.

    strangely, i feel that it is normal to cheat. and this whole “would you go through the burden of cheating and being the biggest jerk on earth and hurting the feelings of the person that you love”… i think that a lot of guys out there will say yes. its like… i love pasta. if pasta was a woman, i’d marry it. but i don’t wanna eat pasta everyday. maybe i would like to try other stuff once in a while. maybe pizza or fried chicken. so what’s wrong with that? yeah she definitely made me happy before and all that but hey that’s what being in a relationship is about. you win some, you lose some. you get happy, you get hurt. you don’t demand anything in a relationship.

    love marriages are overrated. you don’t marry the person you love, you marry the person you can live with. that’s why people in love don’t get married. marriage just ruins everything. there are exceptions, but everyone is usually the rule.

    as for your question – it’s pretty much a false dilemma. i can choose not to marry both and i can also choose to marry both, albeit secretly in different countries.

    you sound like you are a hopeless romantic. everything must be about love. a whole fairy tale relationship. spending the rest of your life with that one person. but you know what. compared to what i just said above, i prefer your naive thinking.

    i’m much better now. but i feel like i just smoked pot and wrote nonsense here.

    i know you strongly want to shoot me now,
    shan redzuan

    1. hi ^^

      oh i love Europe! do you listen to them too? and no, i would love to, but i’m not decent enough to at least ruin their song with my midget of a voice.

      lol. my bad. it sounded to me that you did mean it for the rest of the paragraphs too.. .___.

      oh don’t be too humble. you might not think it’s manly just because you’re a guy. no seriously, i’m not trying to discriminate sexes here, but really. but that’s just a matter of opinion, isn’t it? good for you for thinking that though… and i do agree that a girl asking a boy out is normal, because i did that once, and i don’t want to be considered not normal. i do act like a pathetic little runt sometimes when i like someone but then again, at least i’m ‘man’ enough to ask them first. and it’s not ‘slapping a set of norms to everyone’. they are the norms… or it used to anyway. until the lines get blurry somewhere when the sourness of humanity kicked in. which is why people like to accuse other people of slapping norms on everyone else because they are already fading when actually it should be there.

      well, sure! i mean, i don’t mind it if you think like it that way. because people will think like that until they got cheated on. and i recall you saying you never got cheated on, right? you think of this from only your own perspective, but when you’re in a relationship, you should be thinking about both perspectives. naturally, pasta, or pizza, or dead chickens which are already fried do not have feelings, let alone their own perspective. so you can eat all of them at once and they wouldn’t mind.

      love marriages may be overrated… i’m obviously not experienced in that field and i’m assuming that you do not as well, but what makes you think so? i sure as hell would marry the one whom i love and there’s no one stopping me from doing that. and you’re generalizing. people in love do get married, and marriage do not necessarily ruin everything… it would be wrong to say that everyone in love do get married since it’s obvious that not all do.

      lol~ then do marry both. i wouldn’t necessarily put it that way, but everyone has their own priorities. sometimes the easy way out isn’t always the right one, but if you do favor polygamy then who am i to tell you otherwise or to even judge you for it, right? 😉 i do mean that btw. that’s not sarcasm. if both women are willing to ‘share’ *sigh* then i guess there’s nothing wrong with it.

      i may be a hopeless romantic, but i’d rather be that instead of a bitter… guy. love is everything all at once. it isn’t always a fairy tale, i only hope that mine would be… i always find myself being careful when writing a reply to you… aside from sometimes giving me headaches, it gives me the opportunity to practice my critical thinking skills 😀 i owe this to you. really. (not sarcasm again btw) so i don’t believe i wrote something naive, because we were talking about a what-if situation remember? i told you my perspective on both sides, and we were discussing about my theory of selfishness did we not (?) before you claim that you’re too exhausted to form further counter arguments against it. i do know that the world is cruel even though it is not always, but if your definition of naive means me looking at the world and love and relationships from a bitter perspective, than i am naive and glad of it. i refuse to be something other than that. what i will call naive is “you don’t demand anything from a relationship.” now that’s naive. wouldn’t you agree?

      i might have to bomb you after this 😀 but what is healthier than a good banter between strangers who are just friends? nothing. this is practically the best and the worst of life packed together in one saucy argument. trust me, it doesn’t get any better than this… wouldn’t miss it for the world (i mean that.) if you wrote the way you did and felt like you smoked pot, then you’re definitely not okay. eat some endorphine stimulating food and get enough sleep. k?

      infinite o’s.

      1. hello there

        guess what, i just finished watching a german film. it was 3 hours long but the film was really good. there was strong character development and it was rarely mundane.

        relax… i sense that you are being overly critical; taking apart every of my statement and questioning it. for what? we have moved on from the late cyrus thatcher, haven’t we.

        let me clarify, as i mentioned, i was talking nonsense. i consciously acknowledged that whatever i wrote doesn’t possess any coherent meaning thereby making your “rants” invalid.

        but hey, a banter is a banter right so let’s see. i’ll ignore the humble compliment. no, i don’t think its unmanly because i’m a guy. i think its unmanly because its unmanly. if you’re (not you but in general) “not trying to discriminate sexes” but your opinion discriminate against the sexes; isn’t that by itself discrimination. good job on asking a guy out! its hard right but satisfying even if rejected.

        hmm, “it’s not ‘slapping a set of norms to everyone’. they are the norms…” thanks for actually reinforcing what i just said.

        and what does this “which is why people like to accuse other people of slapping norms on everyone else because they are already fading when actually it should be there.” actually even means?

        okay, i stand by my statement that i strangely feel it is normal to cheat. but let me clarify – i don’t condone cheating. however, if i have a friend who cheats, i won’t label him as a bad guy either. and how do you know what i will think like even after i got cheated? as for thinking from both perspectives, i think i did mention about the dichotomy of a relationship.

        “naturally, pasta, or pizza, or dead chickens which are already fried do not have feelings, let alone their own perspective. so you can eat all of them at once and they wouldn’t mind.” what the hell are you smoking about? good attempt on a joke though.

        i don’t have to study film to critic a film. ergo i don’t have to be married to give my thoughts on marriage. like you mentioned way, way back – our thinking might change with time. that’s what i feel right now. and yes i get the point that you will only marry the one you love. i think you have succinctly stated your case.

        “people in love do get married, and marriage do not necessarily ruin everything… it would be wrong to say that everyone in love do get married since it’s obvious that not all do.” yes yes miss iggy, for the second time, thank you for reinforcing my point. you are such a dear.

        look i’m not a fan of polygamy. i was just stating that it was a false dilemma. there were alternative solution to your question. and just reiterating, i’ll only marry once (hopefully) and even though the idea of having two women willing to share me sounds really kinky, no i humbly refuse.

        you have a tendency of harping on past events even though i’ve move forward. i didn’t even bother tying to make sense of what you wrote on your second last paragraph. i wasn’t talking about what-ifs or perspectives or definition of naivety or selfishness theory.

        in fact, i stated that i like and agree with your views on love. the only reason i call it naive was because in real life, fairy tale loves rarely exist. you can check both our country’s stats on divorce cases, shotgun marriages, and remarriage. i think the stats will say a lot.

        as for this statement “you don’t demand anything from a relationship.” – yes you don’t demand, you ask. politely.

        but all jokes aside, i do enjoy talking (don’t start) with you. i find you’re very smart. you definitely have a good mastery over the language and you can really kick my brain to work. trust me, few of my friends do that. and thats why i really enjoy talking with you. at times you can be stubborn, fiery, but passionate and kind also. but you seem guarded. just relax. it’s not like i’m going to score or judge you.

        but yes i can be a prick some times. if what i wrote may hurt you, please don’t take offense. honestly, i’m quite vulgar and sarcastic in real life.

        its new years eve, i don’t think i’ll be sleeping anytime soon. i still got around… 20 hours left to reduce 8 kg as per my resolution.

        what are o’s?
        syah fidzuan

      2. Good morning Aliii!!!!! 😀

        okay, wait a minute…. let me find the questions.

        i don’t understand why my arguments are automatically invalid when yours are… but be it an invalid argument, you were debating. that i know for sure. and my jokes are pretty good, huh? 😉 but no, the pasta thing, that wasn’t a joke. it’s okay if you see that as a joke, but i made my point clear enough. i must have missed you mentioning about the dichotomy of a relationship :/ and ‘it’s not slapping a set of norms to everyone.’ implies that norms are only ‘there’ after you ‘slap’ them on people. my statement stated otherwise.

        as for the discriminating part, i sure hit a spot, didn’t i? i should’ve known that if i say ‘no offense’, everyone will then get offended. i apologize for that, but i really didn’t mean to discriminate. sometimes guys don’t understand a girl’s thought and vice versa. it just happens to be the truth. or are you going to elaborate further why that’s not true?

        no, you don’t label people who cheat as bad… this is merely a personal judgement. at least for me, it works as food to my conscience. people makes mistake, so cheating is a human thing to do. there’s no reason why i shouldn’t be friends with people who have cheated in their lives. it’s just that if i cheat, i wouldn’t feel good. so to say. lol~ if i do choose friends who doesn’t cheat, then i will be left with none. being an almost ‘all girls’ classroom in a co-ed school has its own charms. my girls are fierce, smart, beautiful and they, unfortunately, cheat a lot.

        no, you catch it wrong again… i wasn’t reinforcing your statement–that line maybe yes… but you cut a whole bunch of lines before that line. i put that in just so that the argument can be fair. ^^ lol! good for you! however, how might you propose the dilemma to be false. it’s like saying ‘that’s a true dilemma’. dilemmas are dilemmas, right?

        you did state that Ali *sigh* *hugs you* nevertheless you cannot expect me to not argue back all the arguments that you have so kindly laid before me, right? and it’s ‘rarely’. ‘rarely’ stands a chance. because even though i am naive, as you have said, at least i know that those stats mostly record failed marriage documented for governmental purposes, is it not? it’s not likely that they will have a slip saying “Mr. & Mrs. Smith– 50th anniversary) in their documents now would they? the minority can still survive, albeit being the minority.

        as for the statement, you should have put that little detail initially. because if not, it really does sound like you mean it one way or the other, like all of the questions here which are asked without an exception stated. i read that line out loud 8 times and it still sound weird. now that you put the little detail, it sounds perfect 😉

        trust me, i’m not trying to get back to our argument over Thatcher. but i find that it’s inevitable because we were essentially discussing the zest of life itself. of selfishness, of dreams, of passion… right? it’s not that i haven’t moved forward… i’ve painted my nails a couple of times and blogged a little more too and you obviously moved on like you said. did i sound uptight to you? hahahahaha 😀 if you say so then… you did not judge or score me, but you are challenging my ideals (whether you think of it like that or not .__.) && i was just defending them (and fiercely at that) because i did compromise my ideals in the face of challenge once and promised myself to never do so again.

        i don’t understand why you thought i was uptight though :/ my writings may sound it, but i’m as chill as i can ever be. your comments always caught me at the weirdest times ever that i never have time to even set up the fire. but please enlighten me so that i will not repeat it *grins* because i’d accept criticisms everyday and if my ideals are wrong, i’ll be glad to change it. it’s just that if i think i need to defend it, then i will. maybe that’s why you’re thinking that i am uptight and guarded. maybe i am 😀 but i don’t mind making mistakes, do you?

        no apologies needed. there are no debts between friends, but i would also like to say sorry if i did offend you… just for formality’s sake. 😉 happy new year’s eve Ali… lol… losing weight was your 2011 resolution? *grins* i like that. well, good luck in completing your new year’s resolution before you make another one like… tonight. may you have a blessed year in the dawning 2012, Ali.. i sincerely wish you the best.

        o’s = hugs.

        p.s.–why did you sign your name differently?

  8. hello there

    i might sound a bit groggy cos i just woke up. not healthy right but yeah… i went on to watch 3 more documentaries. its unfortunate that i went all trigger happy with my food intake in 2010. and i seriously need to trim down too before i enter the military. if not i’m going to suffer inside there.

    “okay, wait a minute…. let me find the questions.” i think this is your best line ever. moving on.

    its like i plead insanity in a defamation trial. if what i wrote is inadmissible, your counter-argument will also be considered null since there’s technically no case in the first place.

    but like i said (and i often have to write this) a banter is a banter right. this is not the courtroom.

    the pasta thing is not a joke? it was a good attempt though because i can’t make sense of it.

    and i also don’t understand what this “and ‘it’s not slapping a set of norms to everyone.’ implies that norms are only ‘there’ after you ‘slap’ them on people. my statement stated otherwise.” means. i think you miss the memo on that one.

    as for the discriminating part, you have once again prove to be a sexist. and no, men will never understand a women’s thought. never. ever. you women are too complex. and i don’t get you… what’s not true?

    thank you for rephrasing what i said. obviously it was a personal judgement. if you feel otherwise… it’s up to you. and your personal story of friends who cheat… didn’t i mention that its normal for people to cheat.

    perhaps you should read my original line again. please do. i might be wrong here but there’s a small chance we were actually saying the same thing but put differently and then arguing over it.

    errr a ‘false dilemma’ is a term for a type of logical fallacy. i don’t literally mean that the dilemma is false.

    thanks for the virtual hug miss iggs but yes i do know what rarely means. there’s a reason why i put it there. its so my statement can’t be put against me. thanks for listing the examples though.

    as for the statement, it was pure sarcasm. you didn’t get it uh…

    how do i put this nicely… yes i know your stands on those issues. wouldn’t it then be futile if i were to bring up new topics and re-argue them again. it’s stupid. why would i want to do that right.

    your writing do sounds like you are uptight. as i said, i just sense you are being overly critical. i don’t know know whether you are or not. for all i know you might be playing the piano while typing a reply or cooking some pasta and be as chill as you can, but your writing sounds fierce.

    and how am i challenging your ideals? i don’t even feel like i am challenging your ideals. it’s just innocent bantering right. when i mean guarded, i don’t mean guarded that you won’t accept criticisms or fiercely protect your ideals. i meant guarded like (and it’s just me thinking out loud) this is not really the real you. you’re not really opening up.

    an insincere apology? thanks iggs.

    and i like that christina perri song you posted. first time i heard it and it sounds good. don’t know what she’s blabbering about though.

    and i had to comment on your other posts. it’s pretty unfair to them that this post has like 20++ comments while the rest don’t. i’m silly but i feel for non-living objects as well.

    o – huggs? well i don’t hug people just like that… that’s molest!
    hans rizal adams

    P.S. hahahahahaha i suffer from multiple personality disorder

    1. hey Ali,

      i am complex, but i hope you know that you are too, and that apology was a formality if you want to make it so. you have been a kind friend, who has helped me understand more about my views, but then again, i find that you have trouble accepting sincere apologies and compliments gracefully. our previous conversations do not make me an expert of you, but that i’m really sure. please do elaborate if i am wrong. that’s just about the things that i bother to reply. the rest i’m not bothered. it confuses me that you seek MY opinions on such things but then you CHALLENGE me on them, even if you don’t feel like it. well, let me tell you that you are, and that anyone looking at our conversation will know that you are challenging my views and i am challenging yours in return.

      i finally realized that i am responsible of the things that i’ve said, or write that is, but i’m not responsible for what you understand. i’ve read all of the comments that i’ve made and compared them with yours and i cannot see how i am supporting what you said, like how you have told me in this and one other comment. i might have missed it, but i highly doubt it. that being said, i am not trying to make you see or understand my point of view, and am pretty happy to keep mine. it’s good to note that you might not want to ask other people’s opinion if it is a rhetorical thing, it confuses people when you start hammering on their opinion when you’re the one who asked for it.

      i’m sorry for the uptight voice of my writing, it would probably be best if you would imagine it otherwise–maybe then it would not sound uptight. i can make you seem very uptight if i want to… because how would i know? how would you know? writings are not direct reflections of intonations.

      come talk to me when you’ve sort things out. (or not, if you don’t want to)

      molesting you,

      1. hey iggy

        i apologize for making you all confused. in fact, i’m also not sure what we were talking about already. i guess you’re too smart for me.

        and thanks for the advice. i’ll keep that in mind when i converse with someone in the future.

        there’s something called subtext.

        and sorry for only replying now. i didn’t actually want to reply immediately. and i didn’t had internet connection for fucking 3 weeks.

        live long and prosper!

      2. hey ali 😀
        it’s so good to finally hear from you again.
        you did confuse me a while back there, but there really is no need to apologize,
        i learned a lot from our conversations, believe it or not.
        ~ i know how it feels like to live without the internet :/

        goodbye? are you having your training soon?
        live long and prosper (this is so star trek-y) 😉


      3. yo yo yo embryo

        i guess i’m like ghastly who uses confuse ray, but on a conversation. well living without the internet can be a good or bad thing. yeah i’ve already enlisted in the military. so you can call me a bloody recruit. training is a real killer and life is really regimental inside.

        you watch star trek too?

        ryan giggs.

      4. yo embryo… lol. that’s a good one.

        is the training super hard? like what do you actually do in military training?
        but if i think about it, it’s not that bad. i mean, i can live without the internet for some time, but my friends told me that living offline is like not living at all. xD

        of course i watch star trek! been saying ‘live long and prosper’ for a long time now. but i don’t watch the series though… just the new movie. i have a thing for spock. 😉


      5. hahaha that greeting is so old school.

        oh where are my manners but i forgot to ask how are you? still schooling? well, in a way yes the training can get physically and mentally demanding. other than the usual fitness training; we learn rifle assembly, marksmanship, grenade, lectures on warfare, just to name a few. there’s also numerous tests like on knots and lashes, situation exercises, blah blah blah. fortunately there’s CNY coming up, so we are on holiday leave.

        haha quite true if you’re an internet addict. it was weird not being able to check FB or twitter or emails or just surfing for the first few days.

        spock or zachary quinto?

        recruit ali

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s