envy.

*sigh* hello blog. i guess, it has also been a long time since i last visited huh?

it’s actually a rather blue night. (again) lol. are you guys ready to hear my rants?

not rants actually. just sad thoughts. longing. envy.

i got off skyping with a boy like 45 minutes ago. he went to the same conference that i participated in 2 months ago. what’s funny about that conference was that it was only 4 days. 4 freakin’ days. and already, everyone is falling in love with everyone. but what is good about his situation was that he was the one who liked the girl first. not the other way around. not like… my situation.

i can just imagine how hurt the girl would be if the circumstances are reversed. how confused, how hurt, how stupid she will feel… she will just end up like me. but no, he (the boy) confessed to her first, and what’s so cool about him was that he admitted into being rejected coolly. he didn’t seem to mind confessing in the first place, even though he got rejected. he had no ego. that was what’s so cool– up until now, i couldn’t believe any boy, anyone for that matter, dealing with stuff like this without thinking about their own ego.

he spared that girl that he likes. and i think that is some pretty awesome stuff. heroic almost. because here i am, missing him even when he might not miss me back. and here i am, feeling bad that i like him, just because i know he cannot like me back, and that he (might be.. probably) feel burdened that i like him. because this whole awkwardness is just unbearable. not just to me, but to him as well.

so i envy them. and i guess to envy is easier than to be grateful.

so i’m going to thank God. because whatever happens, i never regret meeting you in the first place. even though that 4 days made me feel, and even look like a fool, it doesn’t really matter. i may still be into you, but if you can’t like me back, i’ll learn to leave you behind. but know that i’ll be forever grateful that you’re ever a part of my story. :’) i do, i really do.

 

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