okay, so i admit it. there’s something else.

idk why people are still talking about it when i myself don’t know where this is going. my teachers, my friends, they come to me and were like: “how’s your love life?” and instantly, this is how i look like: ._.

i mean… we’re not talking anymore. well, not now anyways. i’m not sure about a lot of things… about everything, really… does he know that i like him? i used to be so sure he knows even though i don’t tell him, just because i tried to keep in touch and stay in contact with him despite the fact that he gave me one word responses which made me suicidal. but now, i’m not so sure. :/ hmm. what to do?

so do you know what’s stupid? stupid is when a girl is waiting for someone who will not be hers. you know, an 85:15 chance that they will never be together. do you know what’s even more stupid than that? hoping for a boy to realize that you are there without him even knowing that you like him. and yes, i’m the stupider girl. the one who’s too chicken to say what she’s really feeling. the one who, despite talks about courage, bravery, and the freedom of speech (lol on that one), shies away from telling him that she likes him just so that she will not get hurt. just so that i will not get hurt.

just thinking about all the memories can make me smile so big it hurts. i avoid touching my adapter just because i’m hoping your fingerprints are still there. scary? very scary. even i know that.

so here i am. my first day being seventeen, but i’m in front of my computer and just cried a tear. for him. for me. for the world. lol. chatted with iv and felt loads better. she said: “it’s your first day being seventeen.. is crying really something you want to do on your birthday?” haha… and that sort of turned on a switch for me. i didn’t want to, but i had to. so i cried. but i swear it was only a single tear. :’) thank you iv for your super power and strength. i needed that. *sigh*

and so i’m making my decision now. i’ll expect less = i’ll hurt less. i guess it is now that i feel that i have enough. what’s the title of that movie again? he’s just not into you? yeap. i guess that’s it.

until then blog. ttys ❤


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