my identity

hey blog! been blogging away these past few hours… most of them are pictures, but here is one serious post for you today.

so i came back with questions. who am i really?

i know this might be a very deep and troubling question for most of you, so i recommend you to stop reading this post and click that [x] button over there on your top right screen if you do not wish to know more. because i can guarantee that this post might keep you pondering for a while, and if you just had a carefree afternoon, you might not want to ruin it with my post.

***

i mean, i know who i am. i know my name; i know where i live; i know how old i am… i know the facts. and i did this #100factsaboutme thing just an hour ago probably. did it in 30 minute… so i definitely know the physical things. it’s just that, what  is it that makes me content… there, that’s it! that’s the question that i’ve been asking myself all along. i’m terribly confused. whenever i talk to my friends online, or my friends at school, or even my sister, i often wonder on how they view me as a person. am i nice? am i conceited? am i weird or fun to be with? am i a good person? there’s so many things that you think you know about yourself, but you don’t. and that’s what i’m worried about. thinking that i’m so many things that i’m not.

i want to know my identity. i hope there’s many out there who’s thinking about this as well, so that i would not be the only confused teen out here, asking these random questions in a blog. i’m tired of going backwards all the time. you’re supposed to go forward in life and you don’t look back. because what’s done is done and what’s in the future is for the future. i want to live my life in the moment now. and for that, i have to know who i am and what i am doing. i know i’m a student and all that, but what is my purpose? is it to always surf the net and waste my time? or actually do something meaningful and something that is worth the effort?

that orange tunnel up there reminds me of a scene in the Memoirs of a Geisha. the girl knew she wanted to be a Geisha. she wanted to be an entertainer. and she dedicated her life to that. that orange thing up there was the passage that she went through when she was going to the temple to pray so that she was given the strength to be the Geisha that she’s always wanted to be. i believe in destinies. i believe in fate. i know that i’m born for a reason, even though it is still unknown, and i believe that in living now, i’m given the chance to be what i’m born to love and to do. i know i have a lifetime to figure out what it is that i’m asking about but i’m an impatient human being… i want to know what it is that can make me content… what it is that is my identity.

and i pray so that i have the strength to meet my destiny.

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