so i guess i’m still looking for someone who can be more interested in my heart than a sexy body. i guess i’m still hoping to find someone who would cherish a fragile heart more than a fragile face.

/huffs/ i’m actually blogging at a very critical time. /peeps down to previous post/

anyways, i hope you guys are up for a love themed post for once. because this one is all about it 😉

so i’m a junior in high school. my puppy love was with a Korean guy who pretended that he’s Javanese, but then he left for JIS. (which reminds me… i forgot to tell you of my so-called-almost-encountering-my-fist-puppy-love experience. i saw this boy who looked very much like him, but then again, i’m not so sure… /strangles memory out of brain/)

and then my first love was with a guy i met in 5th grade. i went through he*l for him. like literally. i lost my then best friend; i get the whole class to bully me because i get to date who was then ‘the most popular guy’ in class >< sounds cheeky now, ain’t it? i did summaries before every tests for him; i get teased; i got looked down; but i still get dumped and cheated at the end. so much for sacrificing everything. i still can’t believe that i worshiped the story of him puking when he rode his first roller coaster. idk if he still remembered it, but i still do. a-w-k-w-a-r-d.

second boyfriend… a very nice boy. i actually know him since we were still very very tiny and small, but got closer when we were older. he asked if i would want to go out with him on friendster and through a poem. can you believe that? who on earth would still do that nowadays? despite the fact that i can boast about that until i cripple and die, i somehow am confused with myself. he’s so nice, but i just can’t get myself to like him. if you read my previous posts, you would know that i’ve tried liking him. no joke. but i can’t. he’s not the kind of boy who’s principled, you know? i need someone who can take charge. so yeah, we broke up.

i’m actually recalling the past a lot because i feel like i need to remind myself and keep me in check. i don’t want to end up in a bad relationship just because i get a little envious seeing my friends being a little smite. do you know how hard it is to be in a class that only consist of two boys? my girlfriends might not admit it; they might be in total denial when i know they’re secretly feeling the same; or, the might just not really care… but just so you know, the 14 girls in our class are so boy deprived that it is no longer funny. some met boys outside from school, but for people like me who spent her whole life studying and urinating in the same school, my chance: nada.

but if i were to have a boyfriend now, i don’t want it to be just a fling. see, that’s what’s hard about me. i don’t like trashy relationships that are only honey honey sweet at the first months. i don’t want to be a prized possession or a trophy that can be passed to whomever gets me. because i won’t just let a stupid dumb jock or band personnel date me so that he can tell all of his friends that we’re dating and make me more insecure.

this might be a rather stupid post. you’ll be like: “pssh… who blogs about their ex-s and dream dates in the 21st century? like seriously, who is this girl kidding?”–well, who am i kidding? idk. but you’re now reading MY blog so suck it in big guy. you’re not dreaming 😉


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