among my many insecurities…

my sister’s sick for these past few days… and she sort of went on a Harry Potter journey on her own, watching the series from the first movie and she’s just finished watching the fifth one.

i was watching this scene where Harry and his friends were at the ministry… when Sirius was just killed by Bellatrix, and Voldemort came; and can you believe that by just coming to watch that particular scene, the scene where Harry was sort of possessed by Voldemort and he said: “You’re the weak one. You never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you.” the whole concept of it, and also the images in the flashbacks is tearing me up.

and yesterday, i watched Rapunzel with my friends… the scene where lanterns are literally littering the night sky. i was breathless, i nearly cried… remind me to do a review on that movie. it was awesome.

i mean, everything comes with sacrifices. i didn’t cry for nearly 2 years in late junior high school– when you spend most of your waking hours crying in late elementary because of the bullying and peer pressure, you most likely will toughen up. but then, i have to lower down my walls in order to write. and not just write crap.. but really good things. because you have to feel them before you can be sure that other people are enabled to feel them… whatever ‘them’ is. but i’m scared that i will never get to write well… i’m afraid that the things that i wrote wouldn’t be accepted by the public. i’m afraid that i will let my characters down just because i couldn’t write excellently. i mean, my characters in itself are awesome! they’re practically living figments of my imagination. but i’m scared that i will not do them justice.

people will always react by saying: “you’ll never know before you try.”

but that’s not the case now… i’m willing and is trying hard to put faith in those words. but things aren’t always easy when you’re scared… and i’m scared now.

picture: Feeling Downby *antontang

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6 thoughts on “among my many insecurities…

  1. Don’t worry vicky πŸ™‚ To be able to gather up courage to write is good enough already. I will always support you!! ^^ Don’t be like me… I’ve start off writing, but got discouraged at the middle and stop writing T__T

  2. I am currently reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teenagers”, and I might want to share a thing or two inside this book, that I believe will surely help you ease the needles in your head.
    “People are just about as happy as they make up their mind to be” – Abraham Lincoln
    “Whether I fail or succeed, it shall be no man’s doing but my own. I AM THE FORCE” – Elaine Maxwell.

    So, in short. re-program your mind about how you want your life to be. If you program your mind to be happy, then your mind&soul will find a way to put a capital U for your lips and soul (and may affect your surroundings too). same goes vice-versa such as the stress and friendship thing that you’re experiencing now.

    Speakin of which. “I am the force”. you represent how your mind thinks. If you believe that your life’s starting to get complex, then that is as you commanded. You commanded yourself to be complex. (no offense, and if I did, I appologize)
    It’s good to have positive thinking as your foundation. but it will do none if you posses negative feeling. ex: a test comes up, and I got nervous, but I kept shouting “I can do it!” without any feel that I will succeed. So I am believing and by that, programming my mind to not pass the test.

    So, believe in yourself. Be strong on your roots. Believe that you are a heck of a great woman, and soon. You’ll see that the flashback amazes you πŸ˜€
    (it worked big time for me reading this book)

    So, start believing that everything is possible. maybe one day, someone will pass by your window saying “Hey! wanna come to Hogwarts?”
    who knows Ms.Rowling will show you the true Hogwarts of hers, and meet her in person.
    Nothing is impossible. Even by the slightest chance of getting it, if you put all your hearts and efforts in it, you’ll achieve it in no time.

    I hope you grow these seeds inside your life and become a better you ;D

    p.s: my personal quote : “nothing lasts forever”
    – Failure doesn’t last forever, neither does success. So, just make sure that “success” keeps on coming looking for you ;D

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