a bad start

hello people… i’m actually multitasking right now. writing, while downloading music, while loading videos and while trying to practice my piano as well. so much to do but so little time.

ironically, i am actually having a holiday. yes, today’s officially the first day of my midterm break… but everything doesn’t go as to how i plan it to be. i spent my last week of school in a frenzy thinking that i might be able to have an actual rest in the holidays. i needed a holiday so badly, but now, it turns out that i won’t be having much of a holiday anyway. physics project is still looming and staring me in the eye. not to mention math. and then this painting which i have yet complete and then i just found yesterday that my grandpa is in the ICU, my grandma has stayed overnight in the waiting room of the hospital for four nights, while my uncle is in China and my motherless cousins by themselves at home. my dad’s here now to replace my grams in the hospital, which is why i’m going with him tonight to accompany him. i’m staring straight to a sleepless night once again. i wonder when i would really be able to rest right.

i want to help change a lot of things. i want to be of use to the people that i love. but at the same time, i’m just a 16 year old teenager. i cannot do anything that i wish to. do you know how it feels when you want to do something that you can’t? it feels frustrating. end of discussion.

but i’m complaining too much. i should just get to do it, you know? i should really stop blabbering and start doing those things. i’m going to practice just shortly after this, and then workout and then change and pack for the night. i just hope that this holiday wouldn’t go too fast so that i could actually finish things before having to go to school again. for the mean time, i’m bidding you goodbye. i might update a little later tomorrow. after i get home from Jakarta, i promise to write again 🙂

mood: confused

listening to: Ayyy Girl – JYJ ft. Kanye West

picture: Headstartby ~darkfoxtigerstar


2 thoughts on “a bad start

  1. Why do you cloud your vision to your future?
    You mentioned that facing down to earth brings you only soaped mouth.

    You have the freedom to be who you want. It doesn’t matter if your soul aged while your body is stagnant in time.

    You love doing something that makes people smile.
    ” i want to be of use to the people that i love. but at the same time, i’m just a 16 year old teenager”
    16 years old, doesn’t mean you can’t do what a 21 can do, do you object?

    Live your life to the fullest. The happiness that comes from everyone around you comes once in every soul. Once you stepped tomorrow, your soul re-morphed to a new form of butterfly.

    Don’t waste your time. Every remnants are colors to our blanch paper.
    (btw, I adore how you do diction ;P, very adult of you.)

  2. 😀 i thank you for your very appreciated comment…

    i know that i do have the freedom to do whatever it is that i want to do; i even make sure i have the freedom to do whatever it is that i please, to some extent, of course.

    and idealistically, yes, i can do what 21 year old people do, but realistically? not really.
    for the reason that i’m still not of legal age, and however abhorrent i may find it, trust doesn’t come my way as easily as others might think. i just can do so much for the people that i care about and that frustrates me.

    but i do agree with living life to the fullest. which is why i’m trying to live my life as it is now, living the essence of it, rather than thinking that my life now is just a stepping stone to my life in the future 😉

    so really, thank you for your comment dear stranger. ^^


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