september dies-

hey. i just got into a fight with my mom.

so you see?? i guess i screwed up today as well… i just want to stay away from her as much as possible. i love her, but there are just times where i know i can never relate to her and vice versa. what i know is that i’m never going to talk about that particular problem with my mom ever again. never. ever.

i’m not in a very good mood right now.

i’m letting go; believe me… i really am. and it’s not like this is the first time that i have been like this. but you can never just go on and forget about it. even though i’m letting go, there is something inside of me that feels a little hurt when i realize that things is never going to be the same way as it was before. i know that change is not a bad thing, but you need courage to change. and staying the same way makes you feel safer. don’t deny that because you know it’s true.

it’s like you finally realize that you no longer have someone who you can talk serious things to, no one else to share a bag of banana fritters while eating them on your bed, no one else that would squeal with you when a handsome actor pops up on the theater screen, no one else that would join in the deal on sneaking snacks into the movie theater. just no one. and it feels disgustingly horrible and lonely.

i may be so naive in thinking that the problems that i’m dealing with right now are big. and i may also be naive for thinking that my problems back in elementary school was nothing. now i know it was nothing because i have overthrown that problem. i’m over it already… you will never think that the problem you’re dealing with is easy if you haven’t passed it yet. so no, i’m not going to lip service anymore. when the deal is not done, it is not done. and that is that.

whatever. crappy mood. and so i cried a little… i promised you it was just a squeak. i’m not planning to add on the drama. i have plenty already.

anyway, thank you September… it has been a roller coaster ride. see you next year~ and i hope, with less drama. at least, give me some peace and those high school hype that a lot of other people has been bragging about before i actually graduate the whole thing.

picture: september dies by~reflectionist

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