people!! i’m back!! 😀
good news!! i’m actually feeling myself again after so long…
i’m finally feeling that i’m finding myself after being lost for quite some time. and that feeling… you cannot describe it. it was just.. magical.
you get so happy that you find your old self again that you just want to patent and copyright it so that it would never have to go from your hands anymore. but life will not allow you to do that, i’m sure… life is a really weird thing. you somehow have to love it, or love it unconditionally anyway, but then life itself makes living hard for you. idk what i’m talking about either but bottom line, i think that i have thrived on finding myself. and that’s saying something.
i guess the key to all of this is acceptance. do you know that a single ‘you can do it’ and a pat on the back from my dearest mom could make my piano lesson less torturing? i didn’t get a single loud blab from her which was different since i’m practically starting to get those hurtful words since a year ago when i’ve decided to join this piano test. that phrase ‘you can do it’ means a lot to me. i’m accepting that i am a person with high-wiring nerves and that i’m studying piano with a teacher that sometimes goes overboard with what she’s talking about and which occasionally crosses restricted boundaries. but that’s called accepting, right? i’m trying to get better.
things has also gotten better in terms of friendship. it’s not like we have resumed being best friends like we used to, on the contrary, i think i now have more sense of letting her go than ever. i understand that our minds think differently and that she needs a friend different to what i can give her and also what i expect to get. i’m accepting the situation. and so, it gets less hard to actually give in. to actually just go with the flow and see what the future holds for me.
there are two things though…
1. i never know if i can open up again. i guess the feeling of giving in only appears when you’re really going to lose something. for instance, i know that i won’t be giving up if i know that i actually have a chance in being good friends with her again. i know that when i open up to another someone the same way i have done to her, and have them go away again, i know that i’m going to go through this whole horrid process once more. because you just cannot let someone you care go that easily. you just can’t.
2. i’m beginning to think that the people close to me will always leave. this is not the first time i’m allegedly ‘losing a friend’. we’re still friends… though not as close. for one reason and another, my close friends are slowly evaporating. it’s either moving school, losing contacts, no real chemistry, whatever. it seems like they always have a reason to leave later on. maybe it’s life or even fate that is trying to teach me that everything goes and moves forward… or maybe i just trust the wrong person every time.
if i could have the opportunity to say the things that i’ve always wanted to say, it would be that leaving is hard. i’m sure that they’ve all considered all possibilities of leaving before the actual act takes place… but it’s always harder for the one’s who are left. you gotta know that.
anyhow, i’ve accepted. and that’s a good thing, is it not?
😀 always have a smile plastered on your face, even if you have to fake one sometimes. because you might not know if you’ll going to need that little energy boost that could keep you going on from all the troubles in life. wear your heart on your sleeve and wear a smile on your face. it would surely make your days better ! ^^
cheers to a better tomorrow,
picture: found it on my pic stash.