frustration.

hey all… looking at the title above, you’ll know i’ll start ranting again.

well… you’re partly right, and partly wrong as well.. i may rant for a bit, but, yeah… you’ve read my rantings for quite some time already, so i shall try not to, or if i’m going to, do the rants in a much subtler fashion.

so i think today is a hard day. idk if i’m feeling these things because i’m a teenager and that i have my hormones dancing all around me, but my ups and downs are really rapid. as i’ve said before before and before in my previous posts, i’m tired of this roller coaster ride. i really do.

it’s like for a moment there, i don’t care about anything in the world. but then it starts coming into me and then i feel that kind of sorrow. i remember the fact that i’m actually losing someone really close to me, i get to feel that the business teacher doesn’t like me… even though she is in reality really nice.. but idk. i think there is just some sort of resentment that she feels towards me… or was it just me again? i tried so so hard to ace in that subject. if i’m to take a major in international business or business communications, i better get a hang on the subject or just die, you know? i’m trying here… and things aren’t going well.. and i’m disappointed with myself. and detesting yourself doesn’t feel good.. for you who wanted to know how it felt? you better not start hating yourself. because it gets natural as time goes by, and you would feel sick of it. self respect! self respect! self respect!

nevertheless, i will always continue trying. i will keep trying as long as i’m still breathing and all.. because giving up is just not my thing. 😉 and that is one of the things i can be proud of myself.

even though of course it hurts, you know? losing is hard and it all comes the same way for everything. loss of a parent, loss of a friend, loss of a lover, loss of a sister, loss of a pet.. anything. you could either forget and move on, or you could just suffer. a part of me wanted to move on so badly, but a part of me told me to just stay still and see what happens. a part of me believes that my ruined imagination is the sole reason why i’m feeling like this and that she is still the same person as she is before.. but i’m not so sure of that. for the current time, i think i’ll endure suffering a little bit more.. because sometimes things are worth the wait, right?

anyway, i’ll be going in a few. my sister is having this hang out sessions with her friends and we’re driving her there soon…

so dears out there, never ever lose hope! because you might not know what hanging on and keeping hold of your beliefs will lead you into.. although life is, unarguably, hard.. but life is hard. that is the whole point! when life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, give life a thousand reasons to smile 😀 because the things that you’re working hard for are worthed. trust me~

mood: tired. but still moving on.

listening to: Thank God It’s Friday – RAN

picture: Bad Habitby *BlackWhiteRS

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