“i can see in your eyes… you’re ready to break. don’t look away.”

when would you finally realize that i’m going to be here? like… seriously. i’m not going anywhere.

if you choose to ignore me, then i’m fine with that. but don’t you blame me for the reasons you’re going away. i mean, you’ll still be my friend. as it will always be. and i’m here for you… so why?

yeah, if you count all those casual talks and project groups, then you could classify us as close enough. but i really do feel that you’re edging away. for countless of times, i tried to convince myself that i’m the one who’s thinking too much. that everything is my fault and that i’m the one who’s fussy.

i mean, i had several friends that i could say as ‘close’ . but they all went away. because of one thing or another, they went away and i’m always the one who’s standing on the same spot. i don’t want to lose anyone anymore. i thought it would be less painful the next time, but on the contrary, the memory becomes fresher and more unbearable.

i don’t want you to think that i’m demanding too much. because i’m not. i just want you to know that i’m insecure as it is already. i need your support. please don’t push me out when i turn to you– it makes it harder for me to just simply talk to you because i’m scared that you’ll be bothered by my nonsense.

i’m scared of many things. despite wanting to be strong, i’m not. not yet. i just hope that i would be soon.

i might look like a poetic fool or a disgusting friend who wants too much attention for herself, but i’m not. i know that. i’m probably a bit clingy to you now, but that is just because i don’t want to lose another close friend.

i have been confused for a long time now… so just please. tell me what you want and how you want it. because what i want doesn’t seem to be working for you.

what i really want now is to just get out of this sticky situation. talk to me. about anything.

because i don’t like being like this. it makes me hate myself.

i’ll always be here for you… never doubt that friend ^^

so this is just a piece of my very complicated mind. think and judge as you please… again, you might think you know, but then again, you’ll not know. or you might think you’re lost as to what i’ve written, but deep down inside, you’ll know. either way, i’m sick and tired. i don’t want to be blue all the time. it’s time for the wallflower to express her yellows and reds once more.

mood: not good.

listening to: Circus – Britney Spears

picture: http://www.restonian.org/2009_07_01_archive.html


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