a question for all of you–

okay. let me ask you just one question.

am i stupid?

cos if i am…tell me!! please tell me! gosh, i feel so stupid today.  even if it’s just a one word answer, or if it is a harsh ‘i don’t know!! i don’t know you!’ it’s fine by me. because i’m feeling depressed right now. like totally.

this is not good, you know.. considering that i’m still a highschooler and not a college or a career girl, i’m not supposed to have this level of stress. do you know that aside from rambling non-stop nonsensically, i take herb drinks. HERB DRINKS!! to put it in a rough way… jamu. some traditional, bitter tasting drink we have here in indonesia. i’m really out of my mind.

i have this unnie (korean: sister) in this forum that i visit everyday… we’ve been talking for a while now through PMs and she’s like working already. she is stressed– because she has to. because she’s working already. and i clearly remember this line where she typed ‘i miss being a student. you don’t have to worry about anything… yet’ of course, being a student will be much much easier than working, but how about me? how about me and about countless of us that are suffering from that ugly green monster called stress? i’m not sure what i’m going to look like when i finally land in college or worse, business companies. i’m not sure what i would feel, what i would look like… but what i know for sure is that i’ll look like a mess. i’m half way through already… and i’ll be done by then. God.. please help me…

i think about everything too much. and that’s probably why i’m under so much pressure right now. i’m not feeling good.. like honestly. i’m being blunt to you today. but as much as i keep saying to myself and keep promising myself that i would change, change doesn’t come that easily to me. it’s like, change doesn’t want to be near me. that sucks.

right. this post is going nowhere. i’m so sorry for the excessive ranting, guys. i need this.. it’s either this, or going nutso.

well, aside from all the pressure i’m going through, life is actually good. like it has always been. (stress =.= you ruined my day) i was out of that piano session alive. yes!! alive! gosh.. God knows how much i love music. but you cannot be forced to do music, you know?  i’d rather find musical notes by ear for hours rather than spend that one hour of my life… with her! the evil witch (sorry for cursing teacher… assume that i never did it) anyways.. yeah.. i’m going to have to finish editing and post hiatus updates on hiatus threads for my holiday. plus, it’s back-to-school after going to Bali.. so i more or less would have to prepare myself again for this coming school year.

until then my beloved blog~ i might update tonight, but if i don’t… you’ll know where i am 😉

———————————————————————–

oh, and i’m so hyped that SPAIN finally wins this year’s world cup!! hooray for Spain!~ i have to say that their goal keeper is exceptional. very lithe and nimble. he saves the ball cleanly and swiftly. i really like to watch Spain play– because it’s no longer a sport for them… it looks like art. they steal balls easily, make goals spectacularly.. although, i’ll have to admit that Netherlands are not bad too.. i mean, they’re losing bitterly yesterday… after 45 minutes of extra time, but yeah, my bias lies on Spain from the start. so Spain it is 😉

mood: depressed =.=;

listening to: nothing. on my uncle’s lap top

picture: Depressionby ~jxdx

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