teach me how to fly.

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I’d just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I’d end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

hey guys. i’m back. 9.23 PM, in the middle of editing two projects, bitten by mosquitoes here and there, and was back from dealing with one annoying friend. he is just too lame and too inexperienced to put me down 😉 don’t worry.. i’m not affected. i just hope that he will leave me alone. despite having so much money, and me being dependent on him in terms of transportation, i just don’t like his attitude. he’s in need of an attitude adjustment. don’t get me wrong, i’m not perfect myself, but at least i know that i have boundaries when speaking with people. he crossed the line and so i have to shoo him back. and i did…HAHA– idk if you knew this side of me already, but i don’t think that saying profane words is cool. it just shows other people how you are just so full of crap for being able to say those words. i have a dream and a goal, so he is just another small obstacle. even when he said the famous ‘i’m just kidding’ line and ‘chill man…’, i really think he weeped off my retort. i did add the ‘i’m just kidding’ part and the ‘seriously, no offense’ thing, but he went MIA on me. T.T his fault

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

This is just one of those days that i feel so cynical. i realize that sometimes, i cannot even relate to even my best friend. i feel different from them, and those differences freak me out. i remember that i once was a kid who wanted to grow up so badly. so that i can wear the dresses that i want to wear, i can eat all the things that i want to eat, i want to go to places that i haven’t visit, i want to wear the heels that are too big, use the make up that you’re not supposed to use yet… but now, being a to-be sixteen year old girl, i want to go back to those times when everything felt simple. i cannot fit in those pretty dresses now because of weight problems and insecurity. i cannot eat all those things now because the calorie chat that my friends talk about are ignored but not forgotten. i cannot go to the places that i want to visit because money is a fickle thing, and education is just more important. i cannot always wear the heels that used to be so big because they hurt my feet. and i cannot use the make up that i’ve been dreading to use because they’re not as good as people talk about…++ they can result in acnes. i’m dying to fit in… i know i’m no longer a newbie in this stage called the pubertal hormone rage period… but i just couldn’t help it. am i the only one who feels like this? or are they lots of other people who have kept their silence for so long?

I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly
I’ll do what it takes til’ I touch the sky
And I’ll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

but as always, you just cannot give up on life, could you? because you… and me… we are born to die. we laugh, we cry, we smile, we fall in love… we feel heart breaks, feel rejections, feel pride… but in the end, you and i will both die and leave this world. the thing is, you could only play games when you’re alive, so play your best, and throw out the right cards. because people like him (look at first paragraph), people like you (who always listens ^^) and people like me (who always complains T.T) lives side by side and so we cannot shut out one or the other because we complete this circle of life. people have said things like: when life gives you 100 reasons to cry, give life 1000 reasons to smile . things like that are easily said, but hard to do… i just hope that whoever made that quote has proved that doing that is possible. it would be such a shame that those love quotes like so… ++ life quotes are just made by people who are blind to the rest of the world.

i’m going away tomorrow.. so i really have to get rid of my pessimism and finish my editing today since i know i’m not going to be able to do it tomorrow.. wait for a more cheerful me bloggers and readers alike. as always, you’ve been the best place for consolidation ^^

p.s. sorry for the long post again… will try to post shorter updates next time 😉

mood: cynical

listening to: Breakaway – Kelly Clarkson (lyrics courtesy of http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kellyclarkson/breakaway.html )

picture: Teach Me How To Fly by *Skia

 

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