slightly bumpy

hi all πŸ™‚ i’ve been putting out writing for a long time now and should really work on it. i hope you don’t think that i’m just talk. i am trying to actually write a lot of things. i just don’t get much time to actually write a decent blog post. writing this, i’m still burdened with several assessments and projects, but i’m setting that aside for now to write. i’ve been wanting to write since yesterday. so you’ll probably be getting a double post right now πŸ™‚ i’m writing loads.

if i’ve written earlier, the mood section would be : bad. ; but i did try and finally accomplished my good mood back. why bad mood?? i feel really stupid right now… why stupid? for not being able to do math. uhh~ such a crybaby. but i felt disappointed in a way. i feel myself slowly slipping and losing my way in this whole shenanigan. and i don’t like to feel lost. i don’t like to feel vulnerable. i’m always that girl you find in the cafeteria sitting alone, probably with her one and only best friend looking pathetic. the girl’s best friend will always outshine her, but that girl has always knew what she wanted and how to actually get what she wanted. and i used to be that girl… now i wasn’t.

somehow, things got its ups and downs. i completely understand that. i have to be honest and say that i’m not that particularly good with math. i know that people simply cannot be good at everything because they are not God. but i worked hard for this. and it’s heartbreaking to realize that what you’ve been working on is fruitless… or is still waiting to produce fruit… i hope. but still, it’s sad. just sad. when you used to get what you want in the place that you wanted it to be, you are not familiar with the feeling of not getting what you want. don’t get me wrong, i’m not a selfish, airhead brat that you might be thinking of, but you do feel that. admit it. and i’m feeling that now. i feel wrong, i feel that i’ve did something wrong, and that i really need to work on regaining back what i originally have, but lost.

i feel particularly idiotic today. i lost my self confidence, i get nervous and jittery all of a sudden, and all of those darn fractions of circle equations and algebra and trigonometries are just running away out of my head. i knew that i could do it, but my nerve is just so irritating. i have to say that my nerves is actually half a bad guy, half a good guy. and it’s acting up today. why should it be today? out of all the days in a year? in this lifetime?

oh well, what’s past is past. my mother was really kind to me today. πŸ™‚ see… if you read my previous posts, you’ll knew how i’d felt at that time. and this is why i’ll think twice even a zillion times before i badmouth a person. if they’re bad, then they must have their good side. it’s all in one package. she’s MY mom. and that fact itself made me proud. i’m proud of her to have raised me and my sisters well… she would give us a hard whip lash if we did something wrong, but would also give us her hugs and comfort when we’re feeling down. and today is one of those days.

we ended up buying some groceries after school. i’ve decided to actually make a chocolate mousse. trying a new recipe here … πŸ˜‰ if it ends up good, i’ll make ’em for my friends… haha.. *coughshowoffcough* then we drove all the way to gram’s house and had some snack before rounding up to fetch my sis and drove again to KFC. lol. i should’ve said that today is the cheat day. i’ve cheated my bad mood, i just hope that it wouldn’t catch up and get me in the butt.

that’s about it i guess.. we watched Barbie while eating our fried chickens. it was awesome πŸ™‚ so much fun. my mother doesn’t usually allow us to actually eat on the sofa while watching tv. it was always a family gathering on the dining table sitting with our back straight and just random talking. but today, she kinda bend the rule a little, and i love her for that ^^ oh, is it bad to actually have goosebumps while watching Barbie? my friends must’ve thought me weird, but who cares? i do get touched easily, don’t i?

all in all, a rather bumpy day… but smooth in the end. i couldn’t believe that my eyes are watery already when doing that math test, again, feeling ridiculously stupid. i should study more, and work harder and be better at everything that i do. and that, i promise to myself.

mood: like an arc

listening to: Break Out – DBSK

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