selfish or selfless…

define selfish. define selfless… it all gets confusing.

** a point of clarification: my last post– click was written yesterday, but since i had a handful yesterday with my cousin’s wedding reception and all, i posted it today. **

moving on, don’t you think that it is a waste of time arguing over small things. in this case… a pair of converse. see how ridiculous this is? i couldn’t even bother telling the story because you might think that i’m such a loser as to actually be angry about these things. but the truth is, i’m hurt. i’m not an oversensitive bitch kind of person, but you cannot just make assumptions over me, i’m not an object you can hypothetically make an objective at. tsk. stupid.

i’m actually writing this blog when the sadness, anger and hurt feelings have subsided entirely… and when the guilt is already chased of to the shores. but still, it doesn’t make me feel good does it? i feel… let’s make it simple and say that i feel like an idiot. nuff said.

i used to get bullied a lot. (=.=’) you must’ve figured that out long ago. i’m only brave with my writings. speaking? hell no. even though i kind of get used to the life of ‘you win i lose’, i get sick of people having done wrong to me and pretend that they haven’t even sinned the day after. it’s like they’re saying ‘don’t you dare ask me to apologize to you cos i ain’t going to.’ yeah right… people should grow up and know that ‘i’m sorry’ is no longer the hardest thing you can ever say. it’s ‘i forgive you’ and really mean it. now that’s hard.

i have one question to ask. and really… i’m really inquiring. do you know how ironic it is to feel that a stranger you just met in a forum cares about you more than your own family does? if you do have an answer, please tell me. i’m family oriented, i was, i am and always will. i do understand that problems can arouse in a family. it doesn’t come too often, but when it does, i feel like i’m separated from the rest of my family members.

being me, i think i’m right when i was controlled by my anger emotions. and then when i cooled down, i start to think that i’m partly wrong. but when i am fully conscious with my senses, i think i’m fully wrong. THIS is the power of my guilt. i do try to understand and tolerate it, but i can’t. my family knows too well that i’m a guilt-full person, and i kinda have the feeling that they used it against me this time. smart, eh?

idk how to feel at this moment. i sound stupid, i look stupid, i write stupid things. i’m not trying to gain sympathy or anything… you can all just laugh at me for all i care… then again, it’s probably just me being selfish against a clan of the selfless.

mood: spent

listening to: Family Portrait – PINK

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