i want to feel that butterflies-in-my-stomach kind of feeling ;)

*flops in to blog* morning 🙂

slept peacefully last night, for the fact that i was very very tired. had a dreamless sleep, and all was very relaxing.

i was up this morning because i got cramps on my left leg. (such a way to wake up, right?) tsk. it was very painful, but at least i woke up… went down to find mom already sorting out the dresses that we would wear tonight for the wedding reception and i find that she had already made breakfast. my favorite cheese and egg sandwich 😀 my sister made me hot chocolate plus coffee (she is really getting a hang on that.) and i ate those sandwiches with maple syrup… yumm~

anyways, i was up on the internet, multitasking… editing a couple of videos and also twittering when i saw this tumblr blog of my friend’s. and i suddenly envy her.

being a tight-knit classroom, i am close to her even though we aren’t actually what you would call ‘best friends’. we just hang out a lot and i knew that she did get herself a new boyfriend after breaking up with her ex like months ago. in this blog however, she told this boy of hers what she could not tell on words. just like me speaking out my mind here, she spoke out her mind on her’s. i was a wee bit shocked. i must say that even though very blunt on the things she said, she was very honest to her feelings and let all of them through. even when her boyfriend would never know of this, but she wrote every single thing that she wanted to say to him, but can’t. to say the least, i was touched.

breaking it up to you, i have only been on a relationship for two times. and i might say that both of them didn’t end so well. my first ex ended up dumping me 2 days before our 1 year anniversary and then dating my also ex- best friend 10 days later. my second ex, well, he did get someone new, and guess what? they are now in the same school, same grade, same classroom as i am. ironic isn’t it? anyways, i have to say that in those two relationship, even when we did get a long way, i didn’t feel much. being in two relationships (approx. 1 year with my first and 6 months with my second), you would think that i’m doing well. but to be honest, i haven’t even get my first date, let alone a kiss ( don’t get me wrong, i don’t expect either of them)… but you do get a tinge of envy when you see one of your friends being so happy. it makes you feel… lonely.

knowing my habit of writing, i did try to write a couple of novels. i wrote one fantasy novel, but most of them are generally drama and romance. being an author, i have to capture the moment. you know, the descriptive words and all those shenanigans. but i just realized just a way back then that i didn’t even have the chance to actually experience it in person.

i have to be honest and say that when i first entered a relationship, i was just curious as to what it may feel like, thus receiving the confession of the first boy that asked me. but then, i gradually learn to like him… and even before i experience love itself, i felt heart broken when he dumped me. (yes, he dumped me for my ex-bff. pathetic right?)

i closed myself after that. i keep on hearing that once you get to fall in love, you have brave yourself to fall out of love. because happiness and sadness comes in one package = love.

yes, i’ve did it. in case you haven’t noticed, i’ve finally posted one post regarding love. my first ever. i don’t know what to expect from all of this… but watching someone feeling so happy, it makes you want to have that kind of happiness. happiness of on-going support, love and encouragement. i just wished that someday, i’m going to have my own share of happiness as well.

mood: skip-along happy

listening to: Cinta Pertama dan Terakhirku – SHERINA MUNAF

pictures: in credit to my friend – (i’ll just post the links so as to keep privacy)

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