Latin is cancelled ( thankgod )

Latin class is canceled for today. i cannot be happier.

it’s not that i don’t enjoy Latin or anything, but today has been a weird day for me. despite my biological clock waking me up at 6 in the morning, i gave myself some slack and tried to sleep again until 8, knowing that i am sleep deprived as it is. but then i could barely made it through philosophy so i went to the SSMU building deciding to pass out for another hour when i originally intended to go over my notes for today’s (25% worth) Japanese culture studies test.

now that Latin is cancelled, i find that my nap didn’t cost me anything, and it actually did me good (: i’m so happy i decided to nap. i don’t know why i’m so tired today though. it’s weird… because i’m usually not like this. moreover i shouldn’t be like this on the day where i have a very important test. >.< that is just not going to work out well -_-

anyways~ i should really get going. i’m actually more confident about this quiz than i am with my last quiz. idk if that’s a good thing or not because i worried so much for my last test (i was so behind on my readings) and got an A- for it. my biggest fear is that i am not worried (enough) for this quiz and end up getting a really really bad mark on it. like a C. (okay, ew no.) so i better use my time wisely now that i’ve slept and am well rested.

thank you God for how today turns out (:

xx

madness

listen to that song. i swear it will get stuck in your head for weeks. Muse is my all time favorite and this song is awesome sauce. oh most definitely… awesome awesome sauce.

anyways~ madness it is. i love the song (as i have so explicitly stated) but i can’t help but feel the irony of it all. at least the sun is shining out right now (: i had to go to the library extra early today. i actually went out from my dorm at 6.30 in the morning to get some extra study hours before my morning conference. this was because i literally did nothing yesterday. (i’m going to tell you all about it later) i studied a little for my French test but after that i was like “f*#k studying.” so i hung out with Keidan and have some fun. i was so tired of cooping myself in the library, i just had to go out.

regardless though, i can’t exaggerate and say that university life is really different from high school life as it’s not. (well at least for me) i’m used to lack of sleep and rigorous academic expectations but what i will say is that in university (McGill particularly) everything goes so fast. so so fast. like it’s a constant marathon. the workload might just be the same with what i have in high school, but in  a much faster pace, so naturally i have to speed things up a little. and then there’s this thing where, idk if this is just me being a noob freshie but… i feel more pressure being in university. and my theory is that this is because i’m staying at a place entirely new, without my mom and dad, and i know that if i slack off, nobody would tell me to get back on track. it’s like, academic wise, i can only rely on myself, and if i slack off, there will only be my horrendous grades by the end of the semester telling me that i didn’t do my best and by then it would all be too late.

and it would suck. it would suck badly.

not to mention i know what my parents are going through to send me here for university (the ridiculously expensive housing -_-) and i’ve always been someone who wants to make her parents proud, but more so now. the pressure hikes up a notch in university, and i guess that is why i’ve been spending a lot more time in the library. but then the more time i’m rotting away in the library, the more that i know i cannot keep this up forever. like constantly sleeping in the morning and waking up in the morning -_-” haven’t got my well deserved sleep in ages.

anyhow~ i need to run now. gotta hike up the hill for my morning Philosophy conference. i’ll see you soon (: 

xx

first samosa = legit McGillian

it’s so weird to think that only 8 hours ago i was just back from the library and now i’m here again. such a dedicated student, dad must be so proud of me. (-_-”) 

anyways.

it wasn’t supposed to be this cold today. i didn’t look at the weather forecast (my fault) as i really wanted to go to the library as fast as i could and so i left early, but i should have. i looked at it yesterday and it said the lowest will only come to nine degrees centigrade which is not bad considering the last couple of days… but lo and behold. 5 degrees celsius in the morning. i was positively freezing on the streets.

i did a lot of things yesterday… but i didn’t have the chance to write it down because i was preoccupied with some other things. namely trying to juggle my philosophy paper and revising my Japanese culture notes. but yesterday i had my first Samosa. (haaaaaa!~ *the heavens open*) i’m a legit McGillian now. apparently samosas is a big thing here when i didn’t even know what it was before coming to McGill. they have a facebook page for samosa sales and a twitter account! so i’m always up to date with samosa sales, and bake sales too (red velvet cupcakes yum)

i gave a samosa to someone less fortunate down Rue Peel as well. i’ve been meaning to do that for so long but i’m always having a dilemma with donating money to homeless people. at one hand, i wanted to at least do something for them, but at the same time, i don’t want to give them money on which they could spend on alcohol instead of what they really need.

so i gave him food, i hope he wasn’t offended. he didn’t seem to mind though, and even permitted me to take a picture of him. (: i want to give him more samosas next time… i only gave him one yesterday.

and on my way back (to the library. this morning) i found this tree just outside 688 Sherbrooke with very very small bird houses on it. i tried to take a decent picture but i don’t think it worked. the sky was too blue, and so the picture turned out dark. but that’s okay… (i guess) because i can still see the outline of it :/ see the little hanging triangle-rectangles? they’re the bird houses!!

 

now i must get back. have procrastinated for an hour even though it didn’t seem like it >.<

lying to myself.

i shouldn’t be having a good relationship with me as a being.

i lie a lot to myself. like really. remember when i told you that i have this other alter ego inside my head that i talk to a lot? i’m lying to my alter ego. which basically translates to myself.

i’m very tired right now. like honestly. i’m so tired i can collapse on my bed and wake up tomorrow and just abandon everything for tonight. but i know that isn’t even mildly possible because i have a lot of things planned on the weekends, i cannot skip even a chance to study. so i convinced myself that i’m actually not that tired and here i am now, in cybertheque, staying until i at least finish half of my philosophy paper. my dad was like asking me why i had to pay for residence when i literally lived in the library. i could’ve just bought a sleeping bag and everything will be settled. >.< dad.

anyways~ it’s good isn’t it? idk if i am a good liar, but at least i can always cheat myself. i sound very proud of that but… i’m not sure that lying to yourself is actually morally acceptable (or not). or more importantly, if it is psychologically healthy.

anyways~ wish me luck blog.

it will be another long night (as always)

xx

*dies on my bed*

i just realized that for whatever reason, my body decides to only sleep for three hours last night.

i woke up thinking that i overslept… and then i was searching for my phone because that phone is my holy grail alarm clock. totally cannot lose that phone, and in the midst of searching for that phone in the dark, i realized that i’m not sleepy anymore. it’s just like my biological clock rang and it’s not even 6 am or anything. it’s not even 5. it’s 3 freakin’ AM and i was wide awake like i was in an energy drink marathon. and no, i don’t drink energy drinks so that’s kinda a moot point.

today was okay, i guess. pretty messed up if i must say so myself, but okay. Latin is obviously getting harder by every lecture and i’m so behind on my readings on philosophy and linguistics. not to mention i already have other readings for my Japanese culture studies so i’m so stoked i don’t know how to do all of this at once.

and then there’s this thing with my SIN card… i tried to apply for it and actually walked a good 30 minutes to get to that place only to be told that i had to go back and fill in another document. i’m sort of glad that i it was literally just five minutes ago that i realized i only slept for three hours or else i would’ve broke down then and there. but then of course God is forever nice and kind, i met little miracles along the way home to dearest Carrefour Sherbrooke. i got  a free hug for once, in the McLennan Library. there’s this bunch of girls wearing ‘Free Hug’ tags and i was like: “i need a hug.” (.__.) so i got one for free and… it’s an instant pick me up if you know what i’m saying. and then when i was walking pass lower field someone actually shouted at me and said: “hi cutie!”

…

…

…

okay. that was like the most awkward thing because i didn’t know him and he obviously doesn’t know me. but it really is funny how those little kind of funny and ridiculous things can instantly makes you happy. and of course, when i got back, i immediately made myself a hot chai milk tea and watch as much youtube videos as i want. and then i went downstairs to get some dinner with Joelle… i got poutine, and for those of you who doesn’t know what poutine is, well, poutine is this extremely fatty meal you can ever have, consisting of basically fries, gravy and melted cheese. a Montreal specialty, but it’s really not something you want to have for dinner. i thought i’m going to just let myself have comfort food on a Friday night but now i have stomachaches damn it.

yeay~ so that’s an account of my day… nothing too serious or interesting. i may as well take a hot shower and go to sleep, and wake up  at like… idk 3-ish? to read more philosophy just because the greater good comes to me faster before the break of dawn, i guess.

toodles blog. i’ll update on the promised post tomorrow, so stay tuned

xx

tired and missing home

missing my family more than ever. it’s not that i don’t miss them before this, it’s just that i miss them more now.

and i have two theories for this.

(one) i really miss them. this is by far the longest period of time i have been away from my family and i miss them dearly. to know that i still have seven months to go is …. excruciating. (which is why it’s best for me to just not think about it)

(and two) i think i’m getting sick. this week, (yes, i’m speaking of the monday and tuesday that i have just gone through) has been so exhausting that it was ridiculous. it’s 1:58 in the morning and i just got back from the library. having done that for two days in a row… it’s exhausting. nuff said. and because of the change of weather everyone’s sneezing a lot and everyone seem to just catch a cold :/ i hate that. i don’t want to catch a cold. makes my head hurts. and it practically makes me miss my family more… it’s like the sense of having people taking care of me when i’m sick. i’ll not have it here. plus, my stomach’s reacting weirdly this past couple of days. (again)

and yeah, basically that. i just have a lot of things to do, plus 24 hours a day is just too little a time to finish all of this monstrosity that i can see is piling up on me. but i guess i wouldn’t want more than 24 hours a day. it may be a lot more tiring than i think it is.

on a less random note, SLUM, the undergraduate Linguistics society at McGill held a gathering of sorts at Gert’s (the campus pub) and so i had free beer and pizzas for dinner! yeay~ i’m always up for free stuff. especially food. and books. just that i haven’t found any free books anywhere yet (and i might not, mind you) –but i guess this little piece of information is also something random.

i’ll write soon enough. when my Intro to Japanese Culture test is done and over with, and i’m done sorting out on the other little things (or maybe, the not so little things) i’ll write the post that i promised. i haven’t forgotten, you see (:

xxx (extra ‘x’ for the extra patience)

self centered

have i told you that my mom and my dad have a rather large age gap b~?

five years.

and no, i’m not referring to the age-doesn’t-matter-in-love topic, i just feel like because of that, my mom tend to rely on my dad a lot. being more dependent than she could afford to. even she herself admitted it.

today’s a rough Saturday. at least for me. the lazy disease hit me big this time, and i just… don’t.want.to.do.anything. but i had to. so i did and my brain feels–very heavy right now. when mom asked me to help her do the visa application process, i said to her that i don’t want to (you know how i hate filling in applications.) and she just… got mad. and of course, the whole ‘ungrateful child’ offense resurfaced again, like how it’s going to be for the rest of my life.

so i know i’m wrong. i cannot blame her for the things that i have to do, nor could i ever blame her that i have a lot of things on my plate. but i hope that she could at least understand a little. i am so damn tired and now that i think of it, it’s so hard to not be self centered when you’re tired. you tend to think about yourself… so it’s cold outside, i’m tired, i just want to sleep, but i had to do a lot of work, and now mom’s mad at me.

le sigh. the story of my life. i feel like crying right now.

synapsis

When you typed ‘synapsis’ instead of ‘synopsis’ while trying to find a movie spoiler on google, then you’ll pretty much know that you have studied too much biology, and that’s what I did.

Synapsis is actually the lining up of homozygous chromosomes during meiosis. Prophase I to be exact. But there’s also something called the ‘synapse’ that is the place where signals are transferred from one neuron to another. A synaptic cleft is what you call the gap in between one neuron’s axon and one neuron’s dendrite where transmission happens.

Rather scientific eh? But I’m so so so happy that I can remember that already. SAT’s in 4 more days and I gotta hustle. I guess I will constantly be waking up at 4 AM now for the next three weeks. I’ll be having the ACT after the SATs and school exams soon after that and I swear that I will give myself the well deserved sleep once I hit the holidays.

Anyway, I actually found out why I find that I’m more alert when I’m stressed. Long story short, a neurotransmitter called the norepinephrine will signal the adrenal glands to release the epinephrine hormone which basically is adrenaline. ‘Norepinephrine’ and ‘epinephrine’ are similar, but as ‘epinephrine’ is a type of hormone and is injected directly to the bloodstream, it lasts longer than it’s neurotransmitter counterpart. Which is why we can stay stressed for as long as we’re stressed. Isn’t that great? Unfortunately, side-effects include headaches, formation of pimples and irregular menstruation. *sigh**shots*

Better get going and get the good night sleep that I’m already lacking.

Good night blog. Sleep tight.

uptight

http://doodleaday.wordpress.com/2010/04/21/doodle-431-hamster-wheel/

as ridiculous as this might sound… i feel tired. and in case you are still indifferent to it, blog, i’m actually in the middle of my holidays. tired during the holidays… what kind of life am i living?

maybe it’s all my fault. maybe it’s just me being too uptight and prim… or maybe it’s due to my excessive use of exaggeration, but as much as i want to ‘let my hair down’ and loosen up, i still feel anxious. maybe it’s the disturbed aura, or whatever it is that my mom calls it.

anyways, during the holidays, i became an even busier mandarin teacher. the real mandarin teacher told me that Raissa is going to learn in an advanced class and this calls for extra mandarin lessons with me. not that i’m complaining.. i’m really proud of her, but i can’t deny that the action shortens my already very short free time even more.

and okay. regardless of what ANYONE says.. I DON’T ENJOY college research and applications. as such people… the process isn’t as short as we imagine it to be. lots of scholarship research, CV formatting, personal statement modifications, some more personal essays to write.. oh~ and don’t forget about all the SAT tests that i have to do to get into those universities.

i wrote more emails that i probably have for the past 3 years, the most math problems that i have attempted to do in the past month (remember, attempt. it takes a lot of energy for me to at least attempt to do something–let alone do math problems) … really. really, blog.

it’s as if work is simply never done. always running on the hamster wheel, not stopping for the fear of slipping and falling.

*sigh* what else is there to say?? *drags self away*

thank God it’s wednesday

Hey blog… Blogging through gale, just so that I’ll not be tempted to waste my time like how I did yesterday. I really need to get things done today.

It’s only a quarter to 6, but I’m done eating, and is now blogging (obviously). Be working out any minute now and shall continue with the SAT and also studying for tomorrow’s math test.

In all honesty, I’m tired. I can’t get anymore honest than this… Really. Tired out of my wits. But somehow I’m always relieved that today’s wednesday and that it would be over soon. Because wednesday is really 3/5 of the weekday, so it’ll be easier for me to go through tomorrow when I know I only have one more day of school and that’s it. Weekeeennnddd!!– but what sucks this weekend is I actually have camp. And not just some camp, one of these leadership camps… Bottom line, I’m not looking forward to it.

Until then blog. I have so much to do, and so little time to do all those things.

The good thing is I know I’ll survive. I always do

Lots of love…. xoxo