madness

listen to that song. i swear it will get stuck in your head for weeks. Muse is my all time favorite and this song is awesome sauce. oh most definitely… awesome awesome sauce.

anyways~ madness it is. i love the song (as i have so explicitly stated) but i can’t help but feel the irony of it all. at least the sun is shining out right now (: i had to go to the library extra early today. i actually went out from my dorm at 6.30 in the morning to get some extra study hours before my morning conference. this was because i literally did nothing yesterday. (i’m going to tell you all about it later) i studied a little for my French test but after that i was like “f*#k studying.” so i hung out with Keidan and have some fun. i was so tired of cooping myself in the library, i just had to go out.

regardless though, i can’t exaggerate and say that university life is really different from high school life as it’s not. (well at least for me) i’m used to lack of sleep and rigorous academic expectations but what i will say is that in university (McGill particularly) everything goes so fast. so so fast. like it’s a constant marathon. the workload might just be the same with what i have in high school, but in  a much faster pace, so naturally i have to speed things up a little. and then there’s this thing where, idk if this is just me being a noob freshie but… i feel more pressure being in university. and my theory is that this is because i’m staying at a place entirely new, without my mom and dad, and i know that if i slack off, nobody would tell me to get back on track. it’s like, academic wise, i can only rely on myself, and if i slack off, there will only be my horrendous grades by the end of the semester telling me that i didn’t do my best and by then it would all be too late.

and it would suck. it would suck badly.

not to mention i know what my parents are going through to send me here for university (the ridiculously expensive housing -_-) and i’ve always been someone who wants to make her parents proud, but more so now. the pressure hikes up a notch in university, and i guess that is why i’ve been spending a lot more time in the library. but then the more time i’m rotting away in the library, the more that i know i cannot keep this up forever. like constantly sleeping in the morning and waking up in the morning -_-” haven’t got my well deserved sleep in ages.

anyhow~ i need to run now. gotta hike up the hill for my morning Philosophy conference. i’ll see you soon (: 

xx

“just how can i say goodbye to the people that i know…”

a very very long week blog. it has been a very long week.

you know what? someone broke into my house,… and stole my laptop. my stories, my poems, my pictures, my songs, my presentations… everything’s gone.everything.

anyways, i’m not going to talk about that regardless of the fact that it really is a sad, hysterical moment for me. i’m going to talk about graduation. somehow the word ‘graduation’ is still sooo foreign to me.

so yesterday, i started my day at 4.30-ish in the morning. had to get up to get my hair done, thankfully it didn’t take a long time to do. went home, did my own make up and wore this traditional Kebaya–it was a hassle, but it really is a one time experience… thing. so i was pretty excited about it all.

it’s hard to explain the graduation. i was anticipating it, but at the same time i didn’t want graduation to come so quickly. happy, sad, scared, excited, bittersweet feelings. that’s what i feel about my graduation. surprisingly, i didn’t cry– somehow because i think there’s nothing to cry for. i mean i still load on waterproof mascara just in case… but it was a happy event. it was touching and memorable and definitely something that i will remember for a long time, nonetheless i will always remember it as a happy thing, instead of an eyeliner-running-down-my-cheeks thing.

i got a $200 worth of scholarship which is not bad Kevin was valedictorian, so he got $300 and i’m so proud of him!  some of my other friends also got $100 for their outstanding performance in the areas that they specialize in. and we know everyone likes to get money

i guess subconsciously we all know that we’re nearing the end of high school. slowly, my friends are going their own separate ways and i’m going to go on my own as well. in fact, one of my friends is going in the next three weeks to Taiwan. i’m going to miss everyone dearly. i have been in the same school for close to sixteen years, and as such, i have seen my friends come and go. this time, i’m going to have to go as well and leave  what i have considered my second family. they are after all, my brothers and sisters. my comrades in the battle which is high school, and we have been through a lot together.

no matter how sometimes they annoy me as hell (which is the truth), i will always love them. always.

xxx

getting through and missing high school

just read a couple of posts i wrote on this blog about a year ago… and omg were they crap.

i can’t believe how many grammar mistakes i made. and probably still making now… oh gosh, i’m mortified.

oh well~ what i wrote was written already, so there is no need to look back anymore. :/

school base exams in two days! whee~ i am trying really hard to meditate and get my concentration back. the last miles of high school really is one big chunk to take. all i can think of is graduating and having my three months worth of holiday.

and later on, when i look back on the posts that i write in these periods of hardships (like what i just did) i’d be surprised how my blog is soooo academic-oriented and basically boring.

but i need this… i need to write about it so i can get motivated. because i’m slipping. i can feel it. like butter scraped on too much bread. the exhaustion comes fast now, and more work comes faster still…

let’s just do this eh? one by one. i’m trying to enjoy while it lasts… i know i’m going to miss high school :’)

finishing the challenge

you know what b? i just had a thought… while doing assessments. yes, i’m even distracted by my own thoughts. great.

okay, i was off track. so. i had a thought… challenge can be classified into three different categories.

first:  a challenge that is hard to start. in Physics, i learnt that some reactions need a starting energy. some sort of ‘spark’ to get it going. sometimes it’s that spark that is hard to light. we focus too much on what we have to go through and forget what we will get in return if we do go through ‘it’. whatever ‘it’ is.

second: a challenge that is hard to continue. i rarely experience this, so i have nothing much to say on the matter ._.  it’s not actually hard for me to continue something that i have started, it flows like a rhythm. it has always been (most of the time) easier for me to continue what i have started instead of starting what i want to continue.. if that makes sense.

last: a challenge that is hard to finish. you rely on your stamina and your endurance for this one. sometimes finishing something that you have done for a long time is … tedious. because you’re so close yet so far, and at the same time, you’ve lost your energy on the way, trying to do whatever it is you tried to do to the best of your capabilities.

i am… *sigh* experiencing that right now. high school is almost over. in two months!! it’s so close, yet so far. i still have to do many exams, and i have a lot of assessments to finish. i’m constantly tired, and now i couldn’t hear my mom call me when i’m sleeping. (for whatever reasons, i used to be able to hear her even though i’m sleeping… incorporated to my dream maybe ._. idk) and it’s so unsettling. the exhaustion is so unsettling.

so please God, please give me the strength and the patience to get through everything. because on May 11th, when EVERYTHING is done, i’m going to the mall and get my ears pierced. it will be a historical day for me. the day i’m finally free. (for a while that is… -_- before uni)

half a year left of high school.

hey blog… long time no talk. a week. it has only been a week apparently, but it felt like an eternity.

the reason why i wasn’t actively blogging this past week was because i was having my finals. so to say. that being said, i’m guilty to tell you blog that i wasn’t blogging because i was busy studying. no, i wasn’t blogging because i was busy reading fan fictions for the life of me. it seemed like i had enough studying. the only thing i did was set up my alarm to go off at four in the morning. if it does go off, and i didn’t wake up… then tough luck. didn’t study for that day’s test. crazy… i know. but there’s a first for everything.

little did i know, i’m already halfway through the struggle. in seven more months, i wouldn’t have anyone to braid my hair, or to tease me anymore… okay, well… the teasing i can live with less (duh~ obviously) but i will miss my friends. for sure. most definitely.

once i’m done with my college essays (of which i’m determined to finish tomorrow) and send in all the commonapps, i will only have half a year left of high school.

so here’s to the ‘half of year left of high school’. may it be… the best times that i will ever spend with my friends before we go our separate ways.

we still have hope

hey blog…. i’m now going to write about possibly one of the silliest things i’m ever going to blog. but i really need to say this simply because this is the fact, and i AM strongly feeling the situation.

have i told you that my class is a very very small class? it is. might just be one of the smallest that i have ever experienced. we have 14 students total in one grade. and when divided to the science and social streams, 9 students in the science stream and 5 students in the social stream. with only two, and i repeat, TWO boys. in the entire class. only 1/7 of our class population is of the opposite sex to me and that affects me greatly.

so when my friend, Nina, who moved to Seattle got a boyfriend in less than a month that she’s been there, i couldn’t believe it. i just couldn’t believe it. 

i mean, three of my friends are dating, and i’m actually accustomed to my friends having a relationship, but somehow, i just cannot process the fact that this sisterhood actually got a chance in attracting boys. (see how ridiculous i see it?)

despite going to a co-ed school, i literally, literally feel like attending an all girls school. i’ve been in that school for freakin’ 15 years. which is basically, my entire life. and the situation in class is like that of a girl’s dormitory, you know? what is that word again? oh… a convent. i feel like i’m living in a convent my whole life. it’s like the St. Trinian’s… a milder, less wild, geekier version of St. Trinian’s. we talked about things that we shouldn’t talk about when being near boys, but we did anyway… and i know they must be weirded out at first, but strangely enough, it is now considered something normal. and the boys that are in my class, i have known them for 14-15 years now. we grew up together and i knew both of them even before my own blood-related sisters were born. so they’re practically ‘its’ to me now. a platonic relationship that couldn’t possibly go further.

so you see? having planted in my head the idea that high school is so great with all the parties and boys and all that jazz, and not living it… it’s very contrasting, and contradicting. i have had previous boyfriends before, but not actually someone really serious. or not that i realize it now. i was devastated when the relationship ended but that is a whole other different story that i don’t wish to delve in ever again.

hence, knowing that one of our sisters (lol…. we sound like nuns) had successfully attracted the opposite sex, we held hands and hoped that one day, we could also meet someone who would love us and have a feeling of deep care for us. something that we, as we are now graduating in less than 9 months, have rarely experienced.

i love my girlfriends… they are everything to me. and i believe that each one of them, with their individual charming characteristics, will have a happy and successful life.

after all, we still have hope ;)

toodles… xoxo

working harder.

heyaa blog you miss me, don’t you?

i miss you too. guilty, i would have to say that i was not blogging these past few days because i have been watching korean dramas. lol~ just out of the blue, i wanted to watch. both of those movies were starred by Lee Min Ho. heard of him? he’s a super good looking korean actor and he has loads of fans. fosho~ i can’t really say that i’m a fan of him, but he’s a charmer all right. the dramas that i watched were called City Hunter and Personal Taste and they’re both very very good. but i must say that my favorite is City Hunter. romance mixed with a little danger and mystery is (y)

the thing about watching korean dramas is that it makes you want to work harder than you already do. because you know how the Korean and Japanese culture are. what i like about their culture is that they uphold their ‘hardworking’ values, and even though i, somehow, have to acknowledge my laziness, i like to think that i’m a hard worker, and that i earn the things that i want by working hard for it. and somehow, you get inspired to work harder when you watch korean dramas or reality shows. maybe it’s just me, but i’m determined to work harder.

so it hasn’t even been a month that school has started again, but it felt like a long time to me >< i am now constantly tired, but somehow, i feel grateful for that exhaustion since i know i’ve been working. and working hard at that. i have my IELTS coming up, as well as ACT, and maybe another round of SAT and SAT subject test. all of which i have to study seriously for. aiming for ivy league, but keeping up other options open. but i’m definitely going for linguistics or biotechnology. in the middle of a dilemma atm, but i’m sure i’ll get over it

i also want to get going with my story. since it’s the holidays now, yes, officially!! starting from today… i might just be able to write my story (finish it i hope!) and maybe read a couple of books

basically i’m going to work my butt off. i’m going to work harder than i have before and i just hope i’ll be able to dig deep through everything this year and pass high school beyond satisfactory. ^^ *fingers crossed*

 

 

back to school…

hi blog. *sigh* i feel so (very unusually) tired today. was it just because i know the truth is dawning on me, that i know he doesn’t want to talk to me? or is it just because today’s the last day of holiday?

so honestly speaking, i don’t think that the first day of school would be that horrible. at least not as horrible as some kids make it to be. i actually kinda like the first day of school… it somehow feels like a fresh start for me. but it’s when you get to the middle where you think “when am i going to graduate?”

i’m also starting to write again. curse you writer’s block. you were there the whole time during the holidays and now that i’m going to have school again you decided to leave me? *sigh* so i’ve been writing for the past hour… and know that writing is not just unicorns and rainbows… it’s a real job. both of my eyes hurt now, especially my right eyeball. idk why though… maybe it’s the muscles.

so tomorrow’s first day of senior high school, and what can i say? BRING IT ON! i guess….

i better sleep now blog. things are crashing on me now like crazy and i really am drowsy already.

so, goodbye for now.

crazy little thing called L♥VE

dun dun dunn!~ okay, so you know that this movie must be romantic, that it must be touching and moving for me to be featuring it and also very inspirational. i never do just any movie reviews…

and you’re basically right!! my friends and i (who are mostly girls) watched this movie last Thursday. just a short recap… i haven’t had such a relaxed day as Thursday was in such a long time!!~ the only thing that we did was watch 2 movies and cooked Mexican food! and one of those movies that we watched was named: The Crazy Little Thing called Love.

WARNING: SPOILERS. continue at your own risk

so the story was about a girl named Nam and a boy named Shone. other characters, i’m going to skip since they’re not that important. i would mention others from time to time. so she really was an ugly duckling and because she met this ridiculously gorgeous male swan, she transformed into a swan herself for him; she listed herself for the school’s dance (despite not being chosen), acted in a snow white school drama, joined the drum band and studied hard to get 1st rank in class. she had loved him since she’s a high school freshman all the way until she graduated. i don’t know how it feels like.. but to love somebody and only crushing that somebody for 3 years!! 3 YEARS!!! that needs a lot of courage. close to the end, Nam finally found the courage to speak to Shone that she’s loved him all these years. but her relief was to be cut short when she soon realized that Shone has already had a girlfriend of one week, Pin. one week!! he’s that close to not having a girlfriend at all when Nam confesses. that fact itself plunged deep into my heart.

the things that i deem sweet in this movie:

*the brotherhood of Shone and Top. they were best friends since kindergarten and the experience of loving the same girl when they were Gr.5 made them swear to each other that they’d never love the same girl again.

*how Shone gave Nam a full Rose tree, not just the flower. he gave her everything, including the roots and i think that this might just have solve the problem of having a rose wilt easily.

*Shone has this hobby of taking pictures. throughout the whole movie, he took pictures of Nam… right when she was still very very ugly up until she became a princess.

*the end part of the movie. i just cannot describe it one by one. in general, the movie tugs at my heartstrings.

the trailer made me a crybaby (of which i am this past few weeks… i cry a lot nowadays *guilty*) and the producer of that trailer should be getting a promotion by now. i know through my own experience that unrequited love DOES NOT have a happy ending, no matter at what angle you look at it. if it has a happy ending (as it does to this movie) then it is no longer unrequited, but it’s still touching nonetheless. the Thai film industry is really catching up with its movies and i can tell you that they have considered a lot of things, including their market. i mean, what can go wrong with friggin’ Mario Maurer and Pimchanok Leuwisetpaiboon ?? they seriously considered their audience for this movie. there is no doubt to that.

but i have to say that the transformation of Nam is not realistic. at all. you can see that when she (looks like she) undergone plastic surgery, her friends stayed with their old self. they should probably lose their braids and their pigtails to at least match Nam, you know… and no one gets pretty that quick! believe me on that. except if you’re a trainee at SM entertainment (i’m sorry KPopers. my boyband bias debuted under SM but i just have to admit that fact) and the story line can be said as a little bit unrealistic as well. the tag line of the movie is: “everybody’s love story”; but is it really? seriously… i CANNOT believe that it was based from a true story! that real Nam girl must’ve won a love life lottery since birth. imagine bawling our eyes out for a guy, who while we’re crying, left a confession for us in the form of a picture-filled scrapbook on our doorstep? that’s what we call dreaming, people. i’m not gifted to predict the future, but not in a million years will that same thing happen to me.

really, what got me wasn’t so much the unrequited love (which is not so unrequited anymore in the end), although, unrequited loves are always touching and relate-able… but it’s more of her perseverance to become and look better to get noticed by someone she loved that hit me close to home. it’s her unending sacrifice and her willingness to go through hell for him.

so that’s my bittersweet review of the movie. despite it, go watch it!! i have to say that it does alter some things with my view on love in general, so i’m pretty glad i watched it. go watch it with your friends, family or the people whom you really love. cry and laugh, and be ready for a new perspective on love.

enjoy~

 

 

 

the purple hair :) + the fun ^^

hey sweethearts!!

a pinch and a punch for the first of the month ^^ what’s your October wish?? if you didn’t have one yet, make one. yes~ right now!!

well, i’m now writing while erasing the remnants of my black eyeshadow. i had fun today. not just ordinary fun, but that of the extraordinary one. one of the best.

well, we were treated… idk if it was lunch or dinner since we ate at like 2? but then again, the food was delicious and being the class that we are, we didn’t complain. we gobbled up the food gratefully and even finished everything up in a matter of minutes. lol. we’re a bunch of eating monsters.

we laughed, we smiled, we joked around. we blew candles and sing happy birthday for my dear dear friend Astri in which i like to call ‘mom’. i have been with her since i was like 2 or something. we’re really close. we talked about very random things and it was just very very exciting. something that i haven’t done in months. years, even…

and then… we went to marcelle’s house. (my other friend) with imelda, kevin, and glenn. unfortunately, my other two friends couldn’t make it. they have TOEFL lessons and so we proceeded without them. well, i hope we’re going to do these things with them sometime in the future, but do you know what we did specifically??

well, we painted our hair. we bought this sprayed hair color xD (i know it’s bad for the Earth. i’m sorry Earth. T.T why should you be suffering when i’m having fun?) mine’s purple. i look… weird, but A W E S O M E. we did our hair, we did our eyes, and then posed for like the nth time. seriously, i even get tired of posing for the camera. and then we did this fan music video. well, not really a fan since, yeah, i’m not really a fan of Justin Beiber, but one of my friend is, and so we did it anyway. it was embarrassing to say the least, but it would surely be something that i will never ever forget. something that will stick with me forever, a lingering memory. i like the idea of that. it was a happy memory. the only things left out would be a trustee LBD and killer heels– it would’ve made the situation even more festive. lol.

well, we went home late as expected… this is like the first time that i went home late WITHOUT getting screamed at. figures, since the last time i went home late was when i was in sixth grade. and it was going to Jakarta without any grown ups accompanying. mom getting angry was acceptable. but this, well, i was really fidgety and jumpy all the way back to my house that my friend even held my hand and said that it’s going to be okay. i really don’t want to get into a fight with my mom again, i really don’t. well, i came home, went inside, stride up the stairs and my mom was like “nice make up” with a smile on her face!! and i was like YESSSS!!~~ this is totally my day ^^ so i’m going to sleep, on the first night of October feeling the happiness that i have so long missed.

with my purple streaked hair, smokey eyes and breaking of curfew, i finally feel like i’m in high school. after being in it for approx 2 years and a half, this is the first time ever that i finally feel free– like a high school student should.

so, my October wish would be less drama. i mean drama is always fun in the right dose, but not too much… and also more fun and laughter; and of course i’m going pro for the more colorfully streaked hair + smokey eyes… hott~

i definitely enjoyed my first day of October. i had a blast and i hope that you too are enjoying your first of October.

be happy everyone. because happy times will always appear to show you that living in this world is indeed worth it. ^^

mood: nothing but the best

listening to: Ginkgo – Yusuke

picture: okay, so i post some already… what do you think? we’re the cute and sexy angels well, this cecil which is the girl on the middle at the picture down there was said to look like me. we’re called ‘the twins’ at school. lol. T.T even when i don’t see any resemblance, but i <3 all my friends. they’re the awesomenest people you’ll ever meet GRADE11 SBR 2010-2011 FTW.