i’m not going to think; i fell in love with you and i’m not going to think about it because you think with your brain and love is the heart’s confession. it has nothing to do with the brain. because when i fall in love, i can’t see whether the light is green or red; i can’t see if that person is my best friend’s girl; i can’t see where i’m going. all i hear is my heartbeat and it’s game over. i have no other options to take and no other decisions to make; just like that i’m running towards you, i’ll trip over a cat and get bitten by a dog and fall and bleed and get punched by my mother and starve and get stuck inside an elevator and get electrocuted and get hit by a truck but i’ll still go towards you because i can’t do anything else. like chasing after a dream and after all that, when i finally reach you, i’m going to fearlessly hold you and i’ll take you out on our first date in a noodle shop because i’m hungry from all that running and dying from trying to develop nine lives just to reach you; or was it a stolen nine lives because that cat that i tripped over never wakes up ever again. so come to me and hold me back, because i’m vulnerable but i’m still running towards you; “i’m going to make you love me” i told the world. a certain grandma told me on the streets that i’m out of my mind but for the life of me, i’m going to make you love me back. i’ll buy you lollipop rings and jump and cry and sing for you. i’m going to write you letters until my fingers blister and my hand shaking. they’re going to be written in cursive because that is how you like it and even though it is illegible and you can’t make any sense out of it, i’ll write it still and i’ll make sure you’re going to read it, word by word, letter by letter because at least that way you’re going to know that my head has been turned upside down and backwards. my dear, i’m going to take you to places you’ve never been before and i’m going to serenade you from sunset to sunrise and as payback you’re going to hold me when i intertwine my fingers with yours and kiss you because i’ll be vulnerable then and you’re going to close your eyes and understand just how much i’m willing to let go just to get you in exchange of everything and we would expose our jaw bones and our clavicles and the only sound that could be heard at that moment will be our teeth clashing with one another, but we both would not care; because at that moment we will die–we will die because it is then that we are the happiest and it is then that we can’t see if a gun is pointed at us, nor would we care if we both got pierced by a bullet that goes from my heart to your heart; you are beautiful and at that moment when i first saw you, my heart dropped. and when i decided to jaywalk into your life, no one can hold me back.
i’ve been doing a lot of these types of writings recently.
sitting behind my desk, my pen and notebook in front me and just write. without care and sometimes even without sense.
i’d plug my ears with my earphones and crank the volume up on my phone while listening to my current favorite rock song on repeat and i find that not giving myself time to even think what i want to write makes me a very honest writer. after five minutes straight of writing anything that pops into my head i feel a really strong sense of freedom. it is surprising how the truth speaks so much to me when i do not have to worry about grammar, or spelling mistakes, or punctuation mistakes or bad handwriting. it is amazing.
i just thought i’d share this with you. since it is baby blog’s third year anniversary, i thought i’d write about something personal. even though i haven’t been writing a lot, i’m pushing myself towards a new direction that i have been too scared to explore before. when i finally find out what’s going on out there, i’m going to vomit posts (and even write the uber belated christmas post)
happy birthday blog. and thank you wonderful readers for still taking the time to drop by. i love you too (:
i fell down from the stairs today… it’s the third time this week, and i know i should tend to it soon but then i was just too lazy to do so since i was already in my jeans and thermals, and i don’t feel like taking them off.
that being said, i forgot about my accident throughout the day and when i come back and took a shower and see all those bruises sprouting on my body like mushroom, i felt this kind of nausea in my stomach. they look awful.
anyways~ last day of school was two days ago and i can’t help but feel a little sad. at the end of the lecture, the prof will usually say a word or two about how they enjoy teaching the course and how they hoped we have learnt something from what they have taught us and i can’t help but feel a little hollow. you all know i form instant attachments and you all know it’s very hard for me to say goodbye–and i actually like the classes i have this semester even though grading was a little harsh and i can just about guess that my GPA is such a mess right now.
all in all. coupled with having cookies for breakfast everyday, lack of sleep (everyday), and a cold inching nearer, i know that finals is finally here. i can feel it in my body from how it so quickly deteriorated.
this might be a very random blog post, but i am now in the library already and i was also in library until very late at night yesterday so i am exhausted. please excuse my incoherence. (just for the fun of it, i’m also going to give this post a random title. you know, just because…)
hey blog. remember when i told you i didn’t actually know why i’m actually writing here? blabbering about my life non stop like it’s not my business and basically being such a girl and telling my life story to everyone who might not even care, talking about periods of my life which i hope have never existed in the first place… and i told you that i will write when i even found a ‘semblance’ of an answer.
let it be known that i haven’t found an answer to this question yet. an answer that i can call my own… but then i ran into a video on youtube and this guy, Phil Kaye (you might have probably heard about him) he said something that was actually similar to what i had in my mind about the answer i was going to write to you about. so i feel like sharing it with you guys….
and i like how he words his sentences.
the next time i meet a guy of whom i have even the slightest inclination to, i will say hi to him. and if he asks me why i am even talking to him, i will say that he’s nice and is handsome enough to be my soulmate.
so out of the blue, i’m going to start this 30 day blog photo challenge where i take pictures everyday on the things… that i was told to take pictures of.
why July 15th? no reason. just that the challenge will end before i move for college, so this will be the first and last challenge i will do here in my home country, Indonesia. ++ it’s Sunday today. i always have a thing for Sundays…. Sunday feels like the start of the week. so Sunday it is.
this is the list of the things that i will have to take pictures of in the next 30 days. well, 29 days. i’m starting today
i’m going away today. lol. and i just finished packing like minutes ago. i guess i’m staying true to my roots. a last minute packer.
we‘ll not be going far away, but i think we’ll be going soon.
plan: finish my story ASAP! ~
since i know i’ll have LOADS of free time, i shall start working on my story. i have to. it’s compulsory. it’s mandatory. it’s a must. and i know that my previous clauses are redundant, but i’m just trying to emphasis the MUST in every sentence. i’ve put it off for too long and it’s starting to get on me. i’ve had these fantastic ideas that i couldn’t put to words and it’s frustrating me.
anyhow, i might not be able to blog for a couple of days. for 2 days to be exact. i’m not sure though… i’ll try and steal dad’s modem–if i can do that, then we’ll still keep in touch.
until then blog. *hugs* i love you, you know that, right? xoxo
hey… this may only count as a short notice instead of a blog post since i’m actually in a hurry.
lol. i’m sorry to be breaking this news only now because i had a lot on my mind yesterday night.
ofc, being me, i packed at the last minute (like i always do -_-) and slept right away… the reason why i packed though is because i’m going to go to Taiwan for a trip. i know i know… a hiatus for 8-9 days.. but you can handle that, right blog :*
when i get back, i’ll most definitely continue on writing my friendship series which has been abandoned for more than a month now… and i’ll post pictures from the conference, the End of Year performance as well as from the Taiwan trip. so don’t hate me… i’ll be back even before you know it.
okay. so you tell me how to do it blog. you tell me.
you know that story where people regret not preparing their futures properly? how they played, have fun, (drink maybe? not for me anyway), and just do the things that makes them happy?
well i’m doing the exact opposite of that. i’m now even waking up early on Saturdays… on SATURDAYS to do my major business project and then i get to spend it shooting interviews for my history class. how’s that for a change, hmm? and then here i am, trying to rack up something decent enough in my brain to write a scholarship essay due next week. everything i do now, even in my weekends, is to prepare for my future. i do these abundance of project for my future. i do this scholarship essay for my future. and my writings can also be said as a preparation for my future.
and now i think i haven’t been living my present. i’ve been doing everything for the future that i simply forget that i’m in my teens. an age where i’m SUPPOSED to party and have fun and just be how most teens are. stupid and careless. and then i would be one of those grown ups 10 years from now saying that i regret not spending my teenage years as how it should be.
don’t even get me started on that homework and project list that i know you dread so much as well, blog. i’m actually thinking of ‘bragging’ the whole list to you now, but it’s not going to mean that my work is going to lessen anyway. so why show it? it would just make me stressed out even more.
so here i am. having finished my second dark chocolate, feeling frustrated. one thing’s for sure. i’m going to paint my nails yellow. you bet on that blog. i’m going to paint it yellow, wear them to school, and hopefully, things would look a lot more cheerful.
it is hard. HARD i tell you… to constantly show up here and just write.
urgh. i’m so totally pissed! correct me if i’m wrong, but it IS the teacher’s responsibility to know how many assignments they give us and when they are assigning it. i guess they must be so capable of time management because i’m having 4 major assessments this week. i’ll have business assessment + listening and speaking assessment on Wednesday; i have math assessment on Thursday and an IELTS final practice on Friday.
i’m splitting heads, idk which one to prioritize or which one to let go. loyal readers who’ve been reading my blog would know that i can’t sacrifice either one of them. i’m too greedy for those A’s. T.T
there’s actually a lot to tell you about blog… about how my Easter went, a review about the Hunger Games, of how i think the late princess Diana is the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen (through television) in my entire life up to date, and how i just want to get out of this crappy hectic schedule and watch Forrest Gump. and when this week is finally over, i’ll have my career week looming so closely…