“dream, robbie, dream. right here, right now. anything you choose. crack the sun open and paint your face with its yolk. cast the fragments from you and turn the world to smoke. pull the tacks from the night and roll the sky up. a new universe? say the word– i’ll make one for you. you, just you and little fristeen. i’m the dream man. bid your curled body goodbye and come with me.”
quick spectrogram reading.
frication with energy bands concentrated at a high frequency; a relatively low back vowel; antiformants and voicing bar indicating nasals; an unstressed rhotic indicated by the falling F3, and creaky voicing at the very end to finish it up with a glottal stop.
stress at first syllable.
sorry for my shameless bragging but i’m so stoked that i can (finally) read spectrograms now ! (although you should never blind read. never) but point being… i just finished my last final for this school year yesterday!~ praise the Lord.
it’s officially summer.
H-4 before phonetics finals and i’m kind of scared, kind of nervous, but also kind of excited to get my ass kicked.
i think i finally realized why i wasn’t doing much this year… why i am in a constant disappointment with myself, and not writing or updating my blog because honestly i felt like crap and i didn’t feel like showing any side of that crap.
i was not ambitious this past year. i had no ambition. i didn’t realize when but i think i subconsciously had enough of the competition and it was as if my body did shut down because all i wanted to do was watch korean reality shows in the internet. the thing about being ambitious is that it makes you feel stupid. because there’s so much more that you want to accomplish and so little time, and so many people smarter than you, and having an easier time than you do, and all you can do is just stare at those people and the time that passed away with a mean eye. but then i realize that you feel even more stupid when you don’t try your hardest, even worse, it makes you feel like a fool.
i guess i’ve decided that i’ve had enough of being just another layperson and i’m going to fight for what i want to just like the old days (that makes me sound so very old when i’m only turning nineteen this year -_-) my grades have been decent, but of course, i have never settled for decent in my entire life and i guess that was what landed me in McGill. i should not just settle for decent.
and furthermore…. linguistics is my baby. i’d do anything for it. i spent 2 days of my life in the plane for freakin’ linguistics and i’d be damned if i’m not taking this seriously. if it’s too late now, i swear i’ll try harder next year.
also i love you people who are still reading my blog even when i haven’t been updating much. ):
and if you think i’m not being serious, that is a waveform of my voice. i was saying i love you. i meant it.
Ia tidak mengerti apa arti air matanya itu. Ia berpikir berkali-kali dan tetap jawaban itu tidak muncul di dalam benaknya. Karena sebutir air mata dari jiwa yang bergentayangan untuk 20 tahun tidak mungkin mempunyai kekuatan untuk memutar-balikan waktu, jadi sebenernya mengapa ia menangis?
Apa yang tidak ia ketahui adalah walaupun air matanya tidak bisa membenarkan apa yang sudah terjadi padanya, air mata tersebut yang sekarang sudah mengering di kulit pipinya yang kasar memperlihatkan bahwa setidaknya walaupun ia tidak pernah dilahirkan, jika ia dilahirkan, ia mampu menjadi manusia yang bisa berkabung. Dan itu adalah alasan yang cukup.
2013(c) Victoria Rahardjo
yesterday, i forgot my phone in the library’s washroom.
was actually on the metro before i blatantly curse myself out loud (winning the stares of a LOT of people in the metro) for being so helplessly stupid in forgetting just about one of the most important things in my life. i rushed back but my little feet could only do so much and when i checked the washroom, my phone was gone.
i was actually in the verge of tears as i retrace my steps back to the places that i’ve been in the library. a kind guy even lent me his phone to check if my phone was actually active or if someone has it. no one picked up.
finally, already losing a little hope, i went to the security guy who always circles around the library, …. and he had my phone.
he had my phone
he had my precious phone
he had my phone which, although is very precious to me, was forgotten in the washroom because i was being such a tool.
apparently someone found it and gave it to the security guy so that he could give it back to me.
i was very grateful. see, i know good people exist, but i have never experienced the grace of meeting good people up until yesterday when i was already sweating like a pig. i was praising the Lord on my way back home…. i swear i could already see my parents’ disappointed faces if i actually (eventually) skype them and tell them that my phone went missing because their daughter couldn’t take better care of her stuff.
stupid stupid stupid. i promise i’ll take better care of my things. to the girl who gave my phone to the security guy, you don’t know how much i thank you for this because i myself don’t know how much i’m so grateful for your existence. you have (literally) saved my life from the wrath of my parents.
i’m just going to simply say that by watching this video, Zach Sobiech has shown me a ‘brave’ that i have never ever seen before. he is also very courageous in a sense that i should probably say that he showed me a courage that i have never seen before but him ‘being brave’ was the first thing that popped in my head rather than him ‘having courage’.
he might have known that he’s dying earlier on but regardless of that, his sincere acceptance of death and just the fact that he is dying is so…. brave. i know that if i were in his position, even if i’d known that i would die in two years, i would turn into this bitter old hag. i would complain and i would write rants and i would just do the most stupid things i could ever do. i might not, and i hope i’d never have to find out and just grow old before i die, but there is always that possibility that i would just see the world in a mean eye and be stupid about dying.
i want to be like him in that i want to not just know, but also understand that there are things greater than myself. i want to be able to appreciate the life that God has given me even more, now that the confirmation of everyone fighting their own war and everyone bearing their own cross is real. what the world has to offer, and the things that i want to do while i’m still alive, i don’t want to only realize them when i know i’m dying.
so even though it was only through this video that i meet you, i want to personally thank you for the reminder that life is beautiful, and that it doesn’t need death for all of us to realize that the world has so much to offer.
you are one beautiful human being, Zach, and i’ll be keeping you in my prayers. may you rest in peace.
so i guess this will be my super belated christmas post since christmas is really 5 months ago, and i’m only writing this now. but i’m going to start writing again…. as the purpose of this blog is for me to be human and grow old and forget most of the things that i did when i was young, and this blog will help remind me that i have not lived a useless and empty life.
anyhow. the christmas here was so much different than christmas back home. Montreal transformed into a ghost town and there’s nothing that i can do about it. unlike in Indonesia when stores open extra hours just so that they can get more customers, all the shops here close because everyone is celebrating with their families and loved ones. while on the other hand, i was rotting away in my dorm, having the whole 8th floor to myself, and i have to admit that i was actually feeling quite depressed.
it was also coincidentally one of the coldest times of the winter. i remember just maybe a couple of days before christmas, a snowstorm happened and i was locked in my dorm with only celeries in my fridge and i swear i cannot be more miserable. so i basically transformed myself to a pig and lie on my bed the whole day through, catching up on sleep that i’ve been missing throughout the first semester, and all the while eating my celery while watching A WHOLE LOT of korean dramas.
i did go to a very beautiful mass at St. Patrick’s Basilica and the procession was gorgeous. the lights and the choir and just everything was amazing. but i wished my family was here, especially my mom, because everything was just so cold and so dry and so empty. i did have a white christmas, but still i’d rather have it with my family back in hot scorching Indonesia rather than here alone. ):
but regardless of everything, i did have a good christmas even though it wasn’t exactly fulfilling. (: xoxo
i know i have been MIA…. but i guess that is no longer a surprise eh blog? i have been doing that so often now it’s not even funny.
i hope i’ll be writing more in the near future. still in Montreal, doing a summer course on phonetics and loving it so far. life is beautiful and summer is amazing after the draggy winter that i swore only ended sometime in April =_= . Montreal. tsk.
anyways. i’ll make this post short and sweet since this will be basically my ‘coming back’ post. but i want to tell you about a lesson that i learnt…. just this morning actually.
i woke up with just about one of the more surprising news that i’ve received since i don’t know when…. life has been boring and i was basking in the luxury of it but of course irony is nothing if not consistent. i heard something that i can’t say is bad news, but at the same time isn’t good either. if anything it left me a little disappointed but it may also be my fault for thinking that maybe, just maybe, people would understand and act mature about it.
i told a friend about it, and you know what she said? she told me to put my shit together. and i’m so grateful she said that.
i have been living a life where people think i’ll always be able to put my shit together, and i’m happy that at least someone knows that sometimes i just don’t feel like putting my shit together. sometimes i just want to let loose, and the fact that she reminded me that i had to put my shit together puts me at ease because i know someone is there looking out for me and telling me that i better do that otherwise everything’ll spiral downwards.
it’s so funny how you discover things, or discover friends, when you’re actually so far away from them. at that instant when she told me to put my shit together, i know that i can rely on her, and that she’s a good friend.
the water particles in my tears just cried.
this is one of the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. and the reason being because it tells a story about life. about love, marriage, birth, sacrifice and death.
life is beautiful. beauty in love, beauty in death, beauty in everything. i applaud the crew for being able to recreate this very emotional depiction of life.
le prophète (1923) – Khalil Gibran
“et je ne sais pas été différent de la brume. dans le silence de la nuit j’ai marché dans vos rues, et mon esprit est entré dans vos maisons, et vos battements de coeur étaient dans mon coeur, et votre souffle était sur mon visage, et je vous connaissais tous, oui, je connaissais votre joie et votre peine, et dans votre sommeil vos rêves étaient mes rêves.”
je pense que c’est une paragraphe très belle. je peux sentir un fort émotion à partir de cette paragraphe.
vos battements de coeur étaient dans mon coeur… et dans votre sommeil vos rêves étaient mes rêves….
très romantique, non? je le pense peur être parce que mes rêves sont importantes pour moi et quand il écrivait ça, il m’enchantait. c’est comme de l’air tout était congeler autour de moi. comme vivre dans un monde magique.
***
c’est ma première fois écrire une post en français. j’ai essayé le mieux…. mais je sais que j’ai fait beaucoup d’erreurs. je suis désole ): je veux vraiment être capable communiquer en français. comme parler en français et écrire en français parce que je pense que français est une belle langue–mais il est un peu difficile pour penser ce que je veux parler. je vais essayer plus fort prochaine fois. (:
